My Testimony

Nanatte Semha Doroski
March 1970

Nanatte Semha Doroski

My dearest Family,

Now that I have been in Principle for a year and a half, I look at the past with a more objective understanding. I am most grateful for this period, for I have met Our Leader, cried over his words, and perceived his sufferings and tireless work for Father's new truth. With those hearing Principle I rejoiced in their gladness, and yet am wounded by those who have turned away. My intellect tells me of Satan's strong hold, but my heart does not understand. I have been moved greatly by those that have given so much in setting the foundation in this country, those few that persevered for so long and remained faithful during those hard beginning years. From Miss Kim I have learned of the sacrifice, hard work, and responsibility that is necessary for the highest achievements. One does so willingly when one understands Father's heart. In her I see Father's idea of true unconditional love always consistently working to care for her many children and grandchildren in so many countries all over the world.

Ever since I was a child it seemed that God always existed and that I knew Him as a friend; wherever I went He was there and I could talk to Him. He was my best friend and since I was about six years old I've spent much time talking to people about God, for I was sure that everyone was as aware of Him as I was. I attended Catholic schools and Mass several times a week; Communion was the most devout time for me. There I always dedicated my life to Father, expressed my greatest sorrow for the sins and in justices that man has done to one another and to Father Himself.

I would tell Him I would help others in any way, but that He must make this clear to me for I had no real direction. I would thank Him for everything no matter how small, for everything was beautiful and a direct gift from Him. Lastly, I would tell Him of my love for Him that I loved Him above all things and people. And this was the basis of my prayer and relationship with Father from age six to twenty-two. If anyone had ever asked me what the most important thing to me in my life was, without thinking twice I would say, Father.

I spent much of my childhood in reading the lives of the saints. I cried through them as I read, and always believed their lives were most valuably spent.

At the time of my confirmation, I felt I was no longer just the child of God that I was told baptism made me; I felt truly a soldier of God to defend the faith. And, more vigorously than ever I began talking to non-Catholic friends of the true Church of God, which I was lead to believe the Catholic Church was. I plead with Father that all churches might be united. So for years I clipped out every article I could find on this subject: "Lutherans Meet with Catholics"; "Presbyterians and Baptist Share Service Together" and other such titles; and every once in a while I would take the large box of articles from under my bed and read them. This would give me some hope. One day I was so disturbed with the thought that the world would never be united that I tore up the clippings in desperation.

After high school I taught "Confraternity of Christian Doctrine" classes to children who went to public school. But soon I had to leave; I no longer believed in what I was saying. I could never pick out exactly what was wrong, but the Church seemed to have very little to do with the life of Jesus.

In art school the question always fore most in my mind was: Why should people look at my work in preference to anyone else? What do I have to say that is so important? I knew my art was to bring people to Father. I had been searching outside of the church for some time. I remember trying to read Spinoza and Nietzsche at age fourteen and not being able to understand a word of it.

I always had this feeling of wanting perfection before I totally committed myself to another person -- I didn't ever know what it meant: a perfect cook, a perfect artist, or what? As I heard the ideal of perfection of heart, everything became very clear to me. I was also doing automatic handwriting. I had specific spirit guides; I also talked often with my father who died when I was thirteen. I was told many things about Satan, the coming Day of Judgment; the last thing I was thinking about was a day of judgment so I ignored all of these things because I didn't see anything happening like this; and concerned myself with political predictions and things like this. I was told several times to stop asking so many unimportant questions. Once I requested a talk with St. Theresa which was granted and she talked about the growth and perfection of the soul. In the writing I was told to study God's principles and teach many children the meaning of their lives. I was once told that reincarnation was a reality and that I had a past life of bigotry to other religions which was true as far as my present life was concerned. I was investigating other religions, but I still had my mind on the quote most used by the Catholic Church: "Upon this rock I build my church." And they still had the descendant of the rock. I was told I had to love people of all religions in this life. I was so upset that I could have such a terrible past life that I cried and cried. Regardless of the Fallacy of the story, I see its purpose. Because I remember my first reaction when I saw the card "Unified Family" I thought it was probably just another Protestant sect; only the words of the writing came back to me at that time. I also had a vision of an Oriental man who was talking constantly to me, and I couldn't understand what he was saying. Through my automatic handwriting I was told this was an existing person of knowledge and that I must search further and look longer. Two weeks later, I was witnessed to by Neil Salonen.

My time so far in Principle has been short yet I have learned so much of the real humanness of Father, and how to recognize His presence in those around me. I have experienced a great deal of love and concern from our Family; love and concern I have never seen expressed over such an expansive period of time anywhere. As a little girl I always wished that all the people I loved the most could live together; in the Principle, I find fulfillment of a child's dream, with one thing added; that you can love many type of people as you understand Father's concern and endless love for them. Principle has given me hope for my life and motivation for my art. The minute I heard the conclusion I knew I had to make films concerning the truth of the work of Father through men. I know that the hearts of all the people, in the world must be touched with the heartbreak Jesus went through when everything seemed so hopeless and lost. The world must soon realize the new hope that awaits their coming to the Kingdom. Five months ago I move from the Washington Family to the New York Family to study filmmaking. I am now working on the script of the Mission of Jesus. As I write the dialogue, I feel as if Jesus and Satan are struggling before me.

The story of Jesus with a deeper understanding of his sorrowful family life and his relationship to Judas and John the Baptist will seem more real than the many fantasies built around these men.

Of art my beloved Family, I have learned the greatest creation is the creation of a human heart and thus all people are artists, reflecting Father, the greatest artist of all.

With love,

In the Name of Our True Parents