My Beef With Pirates

Matthew Huish
March 13, 2010

My son David has recently gone through an obsession with pirates. It started when he received a collection of books summarizing the plots of some Pixar and Disney films, one of which was Peter Pan. (That I don't like Peter Pan can be shared another time.) During his recent drama class lessons, there had also been a game or skit about pirates. It seemed innocent enough, but I noticed that David was drawing pirates, playing pirates, acting pirates; I was rather disturbed. He would ask me, "Papa, which pirate do you want to be?"

"I don't like pirates," would be my initial response.

After some failure to convince David of my distaste for pirates, another response evolved: "David, pirates are glorified criminals."

Why do adults continue to peddle a myth to children that pirates are a bit of fun? Children wearing pirate costumes are not cute. The jolly roger represents the antithesis of joy. Pirates are thieves. Pirates are rapists. Pirates are murderers. Pirates are barbaric and cruel. Notice I use the present tense: I'm not talking about a Johnny-Depp-caricature prancing around in the 18th Century Caribbean, nor am I talking about someone who sells dodgy DVDs hidden in their jacket, because piracy -- criminal violence at sea -- is very current. Somali pirates are currently holding captive 130 people, including the British couple Paul and Rachel Chandler. Captain Pugwash they are not.

I remember visiting the Willesden Green library as a young boy, borrowing books about pirates. The history of privateers and piracy is very murky. I remember asking my father what keelhauling meant; click on the phrase to look up the meaning if you don't already know. This was just one example of the many horrifying things I discovered about pirates, easily dispelling the romance attached to piracy. Reading about the likes of Blackbeard and Henry Morgan made me realize that instead of heroes (and indeed many were honored and knighted as such) these people lived dark, sad lives.

A very low spirit world surrounds anything to do with piracy. This must be the main reason why I prefer my children not to play pirates.

Keelhauling (Dutch kielhalen; "to drag along the keel"; German Kielholen; Danish kølhaling ) is a form of corporal punishment meted out to sailors at sea. The sailor was tied to a rope that looped beneath the vessel, thrown overboard on one side of the ship, and dragged under the ship's keel to the other side. As the hull was often covered in barnacles and other marine growth, this could result in cuts and other injuries. This generally happened if the offender was pulled quickly. If pulled slowly, his weight might lower him sufficiently to miss the barnacles but might result in his drowning.

Keelhauling was legally permitted as a punishment in the Dutch Navy. The earliest official mention of keelhauling is a Dutch ordinance of 1560, and the practice was not formally abolished until 1853. While not an official punishment, it was reportedly used by some British Royal Navy and merchant marine captains, and has become strongly associated with pirate lore.