The Words of the Redmond Family
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The Words of the Redmond Family |
Carl
and Tania with their two children
For the last seven years I have been the missionary for the small island countries in the Caribbean. Before that I pioneered in Australia and New Zealand for 10 years. Going to the Caribbean was far more challenging; I really want to thank True Parents for sending me there. For if I had not gone, I would probably have never come to love the black race as I do now. When I first arrived I was very confronted. God really gave me an opportunity to enlighten my thoughts and my love for my black brothers and sisters. I have a special photo of the "brothers" in the kitchen, just sharing. When you are with these brothers, you don't want to be anywhere else.
My mission country is in Barbados where my wife and I tried very hard to raise the members. I particularly want to testify to my wife Tania. Many times when I found myself in difficult situations, my wife was the one who could give an instant answer.
Barbados is a small island in the Caribbean, but it is home to us. When I think about our little house, nothing really, still it is home. With no car, we use the bus, which is a good opportunity to meet people and witness. When I first arrived I asked, "Do you have any tea? I am English and I like tea." One of the sisters started looking around the cupboards, saying, "I think we have some tea somewhere that one of the missionaries left behind." She was looking in all the cupboards for a box of teabags that someone had left behind two years ago. Once the people know what you want they'll do anything for you.
I really had to repent when I heard Father speak to the missionaries on February 5, 1990. It was his same topic in 1980: "You did not love the members enough; you did not care for them enough." When I reflect upon my time in my mission country, I feel a lot of it was spent in emphasizing my own righteousness and God-given grace, instead of lifting up the members. There were many, many times when I was able to love and care for them; but, honestly speaking, compared to Father's standard I feel my effort was like a minus.
Our situation has been very serious over the last two years because my wife contracted cancer. How does one deal with that? You usually don't deal with it until it happens to your personal family. When we first heard the news, we just sat down, looked at each other, and cried because we realized this might be the end for us. It was our first moment of confronting it. I somehow feel God never forgot that moment.
Since then our life has been a real rollercoaster. My wife went to New York to have the tumor removed. Then she went to Isshin Hospital to get further treatment. I asked the doctors at Isshin Hospital, "What kind of situation is my wife in?" The doctor explained, "There are four stages, and stage four is the spirit world." He told me that she would be at stage three for the rest of her life. I want to thank Isshin Hospital for the very good care and treatments given to my wife, until she came back to Barbados.
When my wife came back from Japan in March 1989, we received word from immigration that we had to leave the country. It was a real blow. We had just two days to pack and leave. We moved to Miami and have stayed there ever since.
After the operation, my wife had only about 50 percent of her usual strength. Around September, she suddenly went down to 10 percent. We realized things weren't going well. That is when I really started to become anxious. But I could feel God telling me, "Don't worry." We took more tests and found out the cancer had come back. She initially had breast cancer, which had since spread to other organs. Tania asked the doctor, "That is it then, right?" The doctor replied, 'Well, there are many ways to treat it, so don't give up hope." We were very positive and encouraged. When she had to take chemotherapy, I looked after the children and did everything else, too. In my heart, I really wanted to return to my mission country, but couldn't because of the seriousness of Tania's situation. The monthly chemotherapy made her very weak, but her spirit remained very strong. She never gave up.
I always try to think, "Why is this happening to me?" It is very hard to find reasons. The bottom line is repentance -- I always try to repent for my mistakes. I feel there must also be some other reasons, some other lesson that God is trying to teach us. Perhaps He is saying, "Can you carry this cross for a little while? There are plenty of people who are dealing with it. Can you?" So, we have been dealing with it. My biggest regret is for our children. I want our children to always be happy and of course what brings happiness is the mother. Naturally it's good for Daddy to be there, but Mother is the center of the home. I became both Mommy and Daddy to our kids, such that, when my little girl wakes in the night, she asks, "Where is my Daddy?" I am learning to love our kids in a much deeper way. I feel God is really trying to give me a new understanding of His love and His Heart. Heavenly Father has been encouraging and guiding my wife and I the whole time.
Tania could always provide me with answers; so when my wife was unable to help, I had to pray for God to give me the answers I needed. Did you ever have that experience? Instead of praying, you ask your wife. So, in essence, your wife is doing your mission instead of you, which is not good.
Our life has been a roller coaster. One minute we are down in the depths of hell, the next minute we hear some good news and feel so grateful. I don't know exactly what the situation will be, but I have much hope in her conviction and spirit. All I want to do is to keep my faith and attend Heavenly Father during this time. That is my main battle until, hopefully, we can one day return to our mission and be of more use to God.
What is God trying to teach me through this situation? Never could I have imagined to have such a beautiful wife. I could go my whole life and never find such a person again. Father gave me one chance, and that is an eternal blessing. Won Pil Kim said you don't really appreciate someone until you are at the airport saying good-bye. And then it is too late. Well, I never realized what a precious person she was and is until this time. Her attitude is, "Don't worry" -- she has such confidence in God and such a triumphant spirit.
If any of you have a situation like that, please hand it over to God. It is easy to be grateful when everything is going right, Rev. Kwak told me. But when things are really going rough, not just the regular missionary problems, that is the time when you can truly understand your relationship, gratitude and heart to God. And if I can carry this cross, then maybe I can carry bigger crosses in the future. I don't want to give up because of personal misfortune. I am just very grateful to Heavenly Father to try to teach me and show me so much -- it is a very purifying experience, and is helping me to separate from Satan, come into God's love and really share that love with other people.
P. S. On Sunday, May 20, Tania went to stage four, the spirit world. We tried so hard to keep her on earth. Truly I can sympathize with those in a similar situation. Somehow we knew the Sung Hwa would be soon, especially when the hospital doctors told us, "We cannot do anymore for her."
I can never forget her, her suffering, her love. I can only respect her for it. Now she is liberated from that body of death, and can live again! I will carry her memory deep within my heart and cherish her existence every day. She lives on and after this brief interlude we call earthly life, we will meet again. Glory be to God and True Parents for that!