The Words of the Sedehi Family

Keep The Toothpaste Cap On! Why We Stopped Loving Each Other?

Shahram Sedehi
July 14, 2012

We have learned in Divine Principle, that common base is the key to establishing any relationship. For years, I had assumed that common base has to be something I liked about someone, not what I disliked...

From then on, making sure that the toothpaste cap is on, is not just another chore, but for him, it becomes an act of intimacy toward her.

Actually, a dislike shared inwardly, (not outwardly as in gossip) can cure the lost intimacy in those who have stopped loving each other.

When none of the partners want to hear, what the other dislikes about them, they become, either each others "lawyers", or "prosecutors"!... Let me illustrate my point by this scene:

...So he leaves the toothpaste cap off, for the 100th time, after being together for a year!.. And this becomes the scenario: Either, she apologizes instead of him, in a repressed voice saying, "Honey, you must have a lot on your mind!", or, she will bring down the ax of judgment on his head, yelling, "Who gave you the right to do whatever you want!"...

Let's look at an alternate scenario for this scene:...What if she simply pulls him aside, on a walk across the park, and says, "it is time we share some of our dislikes about each other; honey, you go first!" At first of course, he feels irritated by the idea, but she persists in a calm and reassuring way, till he finally opens up and says, "I dislike the fact that you dress so ugly these days, it is as if you are trying to get rid of me!" and so on... And then comes her turn and she says, "honey, I really dislike the fact that you have ignored my requests to keep the toothpaste cap on...". Then, after she has finished, he might say, "Wow, that's what was bothering you, I never imagined it..."

From then on, making sure that the "toothpaste cap is on", is not just another chore, but for him, it becomes an act of intimacy toward her. 

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