The Words of the Beebe Family
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The Words of the Beebe Family |
Just a couple weeks into college, I started to surprise myself. Certainly I was stressing out, but for all the wrong reasons. The things I anticipated to send me into an intense state of panic are schedules, papers, finances and basically most responsibilities that come with the title of "university student". However, what I struggled with the most was the social aspect of college life. After spending a year on STF talking with strangers about anything, from science to culture to spirituality, I expected myself to be just as open and free with a collegiate community. Instead, I found myself slipping into the uncomfortable realm of the double life. I wasn't ashamed of my faith, in fact, more than anything I wanted to share what I believe so strongly with other people. The difficulty lay in how I would be able to do just that. How do I show people how I live and what I believe?
An opportunity sprung upon me about a month into college. Seton Hall University requires its freshmen to take a course called "Journey of Transformation". Throughout the course, we are required to write journal entries on the material we read in class, including works such as Plato's "The Allegory of the Cave" and "The Apology", the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, and St. Augustine's "Confessions". In each of these different texts, I recognized aspects of the Divine Principle -- aspects of my faith -- which I highlighted within my weekly journal entries. My thoughts from the journals started to shine through my participation in class as I gained more courage to express my viewpoint. The class challenged me to another level as the professor assigned a paper to write about our lives of faith.
As I contemplated on what I would write about, I automatically started thinking about my values, which include family, integrity, and chastity among others. However, though the content was all true and significant, I felt like I was hiding the most fundamental aspect of my faith. Never in my life had I described my faith to anyone in its entirety especially not the controversial element that Rev. Sun Myung Moon is the Second Coming of the Messiah. As I was writing my essay, out of habit I avoided writing the controversial facts about our church and about my faith. Then, I remembered In Jin Nim's very first sermon at the start of Lovin' Life Ministries in which she recounted the story of True Father's encounter with Jesus Christ at sixteen years old, ready to inherit Jesus' mission. I realized that In Jin Nim and the True Children are constantly and openly proclaiming Rev. and Mrs. Sun Myung Moon the True Parents of all mankind, the couple meant to fulfill the role of the Messiah.
The norm used to be that we would talk about True Parents amongst ourselves as members of the same faith, but with the outside world, we would talk about peace, love, and happiness, all the while avoiding the very essence of our faith. With this new understanding, I decided to start my paper over and explain the concrete points of my belief system --- the fulfillment of the three blessings to achieve God's ideal for us, and the fact that I believe Rev. and Mrs. Moon are the Second Coming of the Messiah in the flesh. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was revealing myself completely and truly through this composition about my life of faith and the elements of my faith. This step would prepare me for the next task at hand --- to unleash these thoughts to anyone who may ask.
Shortly after this experience, God granted me more opportunities to express my faith. One day, another university student and I started talking about service and our own personal involvement and experiences while partaking in service projects. Then, she suddenly asked about my religious beliefs. Flashbacks of past attempts at explaining the Unification faith brought me disappointment because I noticed I could never reiterate what I believed with complete confidence or even with complete understanding of what it was I actually believed. This time, I was determined to break that pattern. Among other things, I clearly pronounced that "I am a Unificationist and I believe Rev. and Mrs. Moon are the Messiah!"
It felt so natural to declare this statement and I wondered why I never had the courage or even the natural tendency to just say what I believe so powerfully in my heart. The girl's reaction was somewhat surprising; she didn't call me crazy or sprint away, but rather she respected what I had to say and even accepted my suggestion that she read True Father's autobiography so she can get a taste of this man's incredible life.
A few days later, I struck up a conversation with an agnostic student from my Russian class about God and the universe and though we did not see eye to eye on practically everything, the conversation set a foundation in which I could give him True Father's autobiography as well. Though I have only had a few experiences in which I exercised discussing my faith with others, while also listening to the other party, I am discovering that there are opportunities to be "courageously vulnerable" when it comes to faith even on a college campus. I am becoming more comfortable in my university setting because I am not trying to be someone I am not and I am not trying to live a double life, but rather, I am showing people the true me and when people come asking about my different way of life, I am prepared to give them a clear and complete answer.