Dropping Like Flies

1975.10.21

Real spiritual battles going on. We have lost so many of the new brothers. I guess they were not strong enough spiritually to withstand the onslaughts.

I really felt like I was being attacked yesterday. I was really tired from the weekend trip and pretty spaced. We sold flowers downtown in the financial district. I finally got to bed for a couple hours during dinner, but James got me up to be with the guests. Jackie finally sent me back to bed.

I had a dream of being on the second floor of a house with no walls, just the frame. I was standing next to a dresser that was facing outward. There was a person below who made an obscene gesture, but it really didn't affect me. I woke up in this morning feeling well rested.

We had Bible reading this morning from Hebrews 12, which really put in focus for me my weekend with James and our responsibility to each other in general. So on the way over to Hearst Street, I told him that I really wanted him to be tough with me so that my spirit would be tempered in righteousness. Oppa gave a beautiful lecture on the theory of art. I couldn't help but think of Reid, who was at home in bed with intestinal flu.

Tonight David said that when we don't feel inspired, it's because we're ready for the next step up. I guess that was true with me yesterday because today I began giving lecture at the Civic Center. The first was to about five guests and the second was to an English class of about fifteen. Then we went flower selling in the afternoon down in the industrial section.

My first run must have been indemnity, for I only made $1. But my second run was $20. I sort of lost all my roses to some black dude for $3, which was about three dozen roses. Not too good.

Went on a bar run tonight with Jackie as my partner. She sold $14 and I sold $7 and then we came home and had a family meeting, which included all of the actualizers from Boonville. The spirit was so good and high. Everyone felt it. But David said the moment we start to feel comfortable, we lose it. We must never take it for granted, but always want it.