All Dressed Up, Nowhere to Go

1975.10.29

We are waiting tonight to go to Berkeley to meet Father and Mother, our True Parents. What a historical moment. Beyond a shadow of a doubt it will be the most important moment of my life to date. We had gotten so far as to get into the van, but were called back inside at the last minute. Somehow that did not surprise me.

Since then we have been in our trinities, sharing our days, singing songs, praying, reading. It is like a holiday, Christmas or something. Everyone is decked out in their very best, spit and polished. It's not every day that you get to meet the messiah.

At 7 o'clock David finally made the announcement that our True Parents had arrived at the airport. David said he had a real sense of Christ on Earth. I can scarcely imagine what it will be like. I am troubled now with my own arrogance, afraid that I will not be humble enough to hear everything that Father says. All day today as I was selling flowers, I was trying to understand what True Parents really means, how infinite God could be embodied in an finite man, or really in a finite man and woman.

But tonight I began to see a little bit. I could really feel the uniqueness of each brother and sister. Everyone is so on center that their true nature is really showing. Unfortunately, my own arrogance made me feel jealous at seeing everyone on center, so I am fighting it out.

Now I feel much better toward everyone. I know that I am growing so much these days that these negative feelings are growing pains and for that I am grateful. I did not fast today after all. David decided that I had not really sinned and that it would be best not to fast. He said when Father eats, you want to eat too. However, I have not been that hungry today. We got up late this morning, so everyone got plenty of sleep and woke up bright and shiny.

We spent most of the morning cleaning. About 11 o'clock Mitch told me that I was going to be his object today on the flower team. I know that before long I will have my own flower team.

Right now we have some study time because it is not sure whether or not we will go to Berkeley tonight. Father spoke for five-and-a-half hours in LA today and he is a bit tired. But we will see him tomorrow for sure. I can feel the presence of my ancestors and have been thinking of my physical family quite a bit lately. I really can see how I am in a position of great responsibility to my whole lineage. It reminds me of how I was really interested in genealogy a few years ago.

We did not go over to Berkeley tonight and I stayed up praying to Jesus for a couple hours. It seemed I was having what seemed to be something of a breakthrough. I was having an image of the inside of a narrow church and as if with a chisel, layers were being taken away until there was a hole in roof where I could see it was very bright. Then there I was, focusing on this hole, when Bob Blew shook me to see if I was awake. I tried to keep praying, but my concentration had been disrupted, and it was difficult to get going again, since it had taken so much effort to get there in the first place. So I finally went to sleep, but I did not dream.