I have just finished pledge. I have to write down what just happened to me. The last few days have been very difficult for me. Result was just not coming. It was Mother's Day week. I had a 200 dollar average which was driving me up the wall; Friday night I came to the conclusion that there was only one thing for me to do pray.

I had done everything externally I could do I mean really pray. It was very late but I went out anyway. I drove to a park at the beach. I prayed until I was crying, until I couldn't speak anymore, just cry for our Heavenly Father and for True Parents. The next day instead of a 200 dollar gross I broke 600 dollars, but still this was not enough for the day before Mother's Day. After I finished the mall I was going to go directly to a flower stand for the night until 9:30 am. I thought that I should call the office to inform them of my plans. They thought it best that I didn't go until the morning, so I changed my plans.

Tonight I had pledge alone. After pledge I began to pray. This prayer soon become very tearful. Tears were coming from everywhere. I cried out, "Dear Lord, how can I see but not see, how can I hear but not hear; forgive my arrogance and my lack of determination." I cried out, "Heung Jin Nim, how can I help you, how can I serve you? Show me the path, show me the way, for I am ignorant. I think I know everything and I am ashamed to admit that I know so little, I say I understand, but I understand nothing."

At this point in my prayer I could no longer speak from the tears that were rolling down my face. My pride and my arrogance overcame me; all I could do was cry.

Then I heard a voice say, "J." and suddenly the image of Heung Jin Nim stood before me. My eyes were closed but he was there. He called my name again, "J." So long I have waited for those words. Then he stopped as I began to cry again and he watched me as I cried. I felt so much from him I can't explain. I asked Heung Jin Nim, "How can I help you?" He said, "By giving this message to your brothers and sisters. It is true: you see, but you fail to see. You hear, but you fail to hear. Arrogance is the biggest problem. You must be humble before God and admit your ignorance sincerely with tears of repentance. This is the way I want to work with you, but you must open your heart first." Then he told me to write this down as soon as I left the prayer room.

Heung Jin Nim looked at the True Parents' picture on the altar. He spoke not a word, but I was overwhelmed by his love for the True Parents. The thing I felt the most was his love for Father and his deep respect and appreciation for Mother.

Now as I sit here to write this letter of testimony to you, I feel there was a purpose for the difficulty that I experienced last week. God was able to move me to really search for Him. I hope that this has spoken to you the way it was to me. I think that God will answer our prayers when asked humbly and sincerely. We must have both the ear and heart to hear.