The Words of the Anglin Family
Reflections From the Leaders' Workshop in Chung Pyung
Compiled by Mary Anglin
January 8, 2003
Hello brothers & sisters,
Korea is COLD! Each time I step out into this frigid air, I think of Father in Heung Nam Prison. I cannot complain about my few minutes in the cold because I am totally humbled by Father's determination to survive these harsh winters to comfort the heart of God.
The 50-day leaders' workshop is in full swing, with the participants having deep experiences each day. I'm sure you understand the difficulties of such a full schedule, but your leaders are constantly thinking of you, and would like to try to take time to record some of our reflections for you.
From Mary Anglin:
This morning after HDH, I went to pray at the Jeong Shim Won Prayer Hall. In prayer, I realized a traumatic time that I had over twenty years ago had not been resolved, but buried deep inside. I shared with God this situation, and several peripheral situations, reliving all the emotions involved. Suddenly all the past emotion & struggle, which I thought was gone, but apparently only buried, surfaced. I cried and cried it out. I relived as well the comfort that God provided at that time. I let all these tears flood out, till it was gone. As I finished praying, I heard a voice say, "Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the Tree of Life." I realized that this workshop could be titled the 'Wash the Robes Workshop', as God toils to cleanse us before we enter Cheon Il Guk.
When I first arrived here, I heard that we should pray for whatever we need to have resolved, and it can be done. At first I thought that this was a little selfish, but then I heard a voice that said, "I want all your situations solved so that you may become a vital living organism for My use."
Brothers and sisters, it's time that we believe we can become the Word Incarnate, and do so. Pray, pray, pray. God loves us desperately and can't wait to embrace us wholly.
From Ken Bates:
On the seventh day, during Ansu, I saw a large treasure chest before me. It was a big jewelry box made of fine mahogany, with drawers that pulled out of the front. I was told "this is your treasure store" of what I had accumulated during my life. The top drawer opened, and the inside was lit, and lined with beige velvet. There were several very large, polished jewels sparkling in the drawer. I picked one up to examine it, and realized that it represented a time that I fought with my wife.
Others also were reminders of bad experiences; struggles with central figures, bad relations with other members, etc. These were not just everyday bad experiences, but notable ones that I couldn't forget. Was this the treasure chest of my life? Why were these things the treasured and valued jewels in my chest?
Suddenly, I knew that I treasured and protected these because I could often use them to justify my own fallen nature and actions. If I was short tempered with my wife, I could pull out one of these jewels and justify it. If I needed proof of how much I had endured, or was seeking explanation for an injustice against me, I could turn back to one of these. Because they were times when I felt abused or unjustly treated, they could be used as an excuse whenever I found myself separated from my own ideals. I had turned back to these troubled times so often and handled them so regularly that they had become polished and shiny. They were glittering, pretty ways to appease my conscience when it demanded me to repent. Rather than repent, I could justify myself by bringing out my past hurts again. As I wept bitterly in realization that I had held onto these hurts and actually developed them to use in lieu of repentance, I started to understand what was needed. I needed to completely forget these hurts. Still, I clutched at them, knowing that these were my main support for my fallen nature, and not wanting to lose the justification I found in them.
But the only answer was in forgetting, forgiving those who had hurt me, and completely forget the incident. Rather than keep an inventory of these hurts and keep returning to them. I had to throw them away and declare that they have no value. Only then can I be free of my attachment to these false jewels.
The next day in Ansu I saw the same chest again. I was afraid to open it because I was afraid the false and evil jewels would still be my treasure. But when the same drawer opened, inside it were just pieces of broken glass. Again I wept. It always had been just broken bottles, but because of the value that I gave to these pieces of picked-over trash, I had seen them as jewels. How could I have been so mistaken? How could I have been so delusional as to see them as jewels? Only because I gave them value.
Again, on the next day, the jewelry chest appeared for the third time. Now my tears flowed freely in just seeing it, before it even opened. A different drawer opened this time, and inside were a few small smooth stones. Just simply rocks. A voice asked "do you know what these are?" I answered "these are my good experiences with God, True Parents, and True Family." The drawer closed. A few moments later, the same drawer opened, with the same stones; again I was asked if I knew what they were. I answered "My wife and children". The drawer closed. A third time, the drawer opened in the same way, and I was asked again. With tears, I replied "I don't know, I really don't know". The voice told me that "these are the actual stones that David used to slay Goliath; they represent the experiences with God, and the true values in your life. The reason they worked for David is because they were the only things he had in his bag. If you keep these experiences only in your heart, and none of the negative experiences, you can do absolutely anything." God told me over and over again "just totally forgive, and forget that these hurtful experiences ever happened. It's not that difficult; it just requires deciding that you're going to throw them away, no matter how beautiful and valuable they may look to your fallen nature. Only in this way can you practice true love."
God bless you brothers and sisters. More to follow soon. See you in Korea!
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