About this goal, I did not have an especially big meeting with God. But because I had this goal in mind, I was always seeking God. And God told me many things in this condition. Probably it is because after Tadaharu went to Markus' team, because of the language barrier, I had nobody to share my heart (what I am feeling and thinking) with, so I was asking God.

At the end of November I began to have serious pain in my knee, I thought I could recover in 3, 4 days. But actually even 4, 5 days passed I did not feel my knee is getting better. Before coming to STF, it never crossed my mind that I would have to go home due to a physical problem. I did not want to go back. Because if I am at home, it is easy to forget about this 2 months, and also I did not want to leave the team. But I had to decide to go back. It was so painful to me. I was so lucky that I could stay at Tadaharu's home.

This time, especially after Tadaharu left his house, I could understand more about True Father, seek people's hearts, and see how our church's monthly video and then I could see True Father. I was so moved. Not because of his speech but because I could see him. He was walking, talking, laughing. Just because of that. I don't know why, but I was so moved. Maybe it was because I haven't seen him since the KICK OFF WS.

While I was at Tadaharu's home, I was studying about True Father's course and I could really feel how strong True Father is. I struggled so much over being gone from the frontline for 3 weeks. I kept asking God, "Why did you send me here?" But that doesn't compare to what True Father went through. Yet, he never asked God that, never blamed God, but he was still positive attitude trying to make God happy. Even in that situation he kept going. That is why even though he started the movement alone it is now so big. I really felt he is SO STRONG. But even I know it and trying to be like him, it was very difficult. I was trying to be positive, and make god happy, don't make him worry. Sometimes I could, but when I look my knee and remind that it is not getting better, I could not be grateful about that situation. It was so difficult.

Especially after Tada left, I was alone. No STF member was around me. If that was my home, probably, I could not overcome to the comfortable situation, (temptation). I made some rules while I was at Tada's home. For example, No snacks, No internet, No TV (only church video), less than 6 hours sleeping, 12 min prayer for my team, STF EUROPE, USA, JAPAN, KOREA (x 3). It was to keep a high standard, to not make bad condition for the other members who are on the frontline. It is such a big difference if you are on the frontline or not. And even you are not on the frontline, if you are with the other STF members, it is so difficult. I struggled that I could not go out FR. I really felt that this time is so precious. The others are doing a holy work. But what about me? I want to go out I can not. And also I reflected how much I was wasting that precious time. And during that time, I read about Natsuki Yoshida who passed away last year (2003), and knew how much she was a great person. I could learn many things from her. I really felt how much they (who passed away) are vexing that they can not work for God with a physical body. After I went back to the front line, I was always thinking that I am a representative of them and the sick members who are at home. I don't want to waste time anymore, especially, when I think about them.

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