Embracing my Identity, Up In The Mountains Of Montana

Arielle Carvell
June 18, 2006

Hey brothers and sisters!

This past workshop here in the Montana mountains, using Hyun Jin Nim’s property as our base camp, has been amazing, nothing short of amazing. I feel like I've learned so much and feel like God definitely was here with us, as He always is, giving us experiences that were perfectly planned out and designed for us. I know that personally I really needed this experience at this point in my life of faith.

Coming into this workshop, I had a lot of what you might call "emotional baggage". Basically just stuff that’s been going through my mind: different things that were happening in my life and because I couldn't really do anything about them, I dealt through just worrying and retreating into myself. I felt, I knew, that this was closing my heart to my brothers and sisters: most of all closing my heart towards God and His plan for me. I feel so much gratitude because through the past week I feel so liberated and really a sense of peace in trusting God.

When we first arrived, I guess you could say my spirit was heavy, or at least a little bit cloudy. As we entered into the awesome, raw beauty of Montana I felt like an Israelite entering Canaan, but with baggage. I felt like if I couldn't let go and liberate myself I would miss what God wanted me to not only enjoy but also learn.

So when we were guided to make goals for the week I was clear on two points: clearing my mind and opening my heart, and connecting to Hyun Jin Nim's vision for myself, and for all 2nd Generation. Then we headed for the mountains, carrying on our backs what would keep us alive for five days.

The first day I felt like we were all royalty, being given a tour of our Father's kingdom as we walked through the beautiful creation. It was so easy to feel like God's daughter in that environment: it was completely natural like we were all coming home to a place we were created to dwell in but never had the chance. As thoughts wandered through my mind I would just offer them up and replace them through soaking in all of God's love that surrounded us.

After awhile though, my legs were getting really sore and the pack was getting heavy. Yet I felt so honored to carry that pack because I thought about how it was now part of my identity: any hiker carries a pack. I realized how that was exactly parallel to our identity as 2nd Gen: of course our responsibility is heavy, our path narrow, yet at that moment I felt so honored to have that weight and I really came to accept joyfully my identity. Maybe for the first time I felt that if I had a choice I would gladly, without hesitation, choose to be 2nd Gen: so honored to follow our True Parents at this time. I felt how much Hyun Jin Nim wants this realization for us: he wants us to want, to choose to be here.

Yet it was still difficult to go beyond some of my thoughts, some of the pain in my legs. Then I looked up from the ground and saw all my brothers and sisters in front of me. Then it hit me that they felt the exact same pain in the exact same area as they walked down the same path with the same weight on their back. We walk this path together, worried only for our brothers and sisters should they stumble along the path. We take inclines, challenges together and accordingly feel the same soreness and limitation. I could really feel how much Hyun Jin Nim wants us to go through things together as a family; this is the ultimate teamwork. I don't know how many times I over and again try to take on everything by myself; but that is really missing the point. Where are my brothers and sisters in the meantime?

The next day we climbed our first mountain and that concept of family became more real to all of us than we could imagine possible. There was hail and lightning that pushed us off the path and pushed us to challenge major limitations but the whole time we stuck together as a family would and there was support all along. Brothers helped sisters and sisters pushed themselves without complaint. There was no sense of obligation but everything was done out of this love for one another: we recognized each other as God's children. It was so beautiful.

Later on we climbed the highest summit in the area: Mt. Hollowtop, on our own. Mr. MacMurdie, our guide and mentor and Akira-san and stayed at the base camp to await our return. Once again many difficulties arose but our family totally took it on together, never questioning that we would make it. The most amazing part of that day was how everyone listened to each other when it came to decisions; we all worked together bringing to the table what we were able.

Understanding this sense and reality of family and how we need to trust and believe in each other really laid a foundation for receiving guidance later on, on trusting God: being His object and giving Him the steering wheel in our life. This is ultimately what liberated me from myself: yes understanding that we all are fundamentally going down the same path but even beyond that, that the path we are going is guided by God: He's always behind the steering wheel so we can trust and be grateful.

It dawned on me that liberation was the ability to remain grateful for every and anything that Hananim allows us to experience, whether or not we judge it as good or bad, to fully and unconditionally accept the other. All of the good and the bad is ultimately what makes life, life. It is the range of emotions, thought, sentiment, will, tribulation, vicissitudes, trails, trials, effort, experience, sadness, happiness, grief, anger, contentment, depression, compassion, forgiveness, suffering, love, joy, bliss, and so on that enriches life and makes it life.
Hyung Jin Moon

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