Words of the Cayme Family
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Words of the Cayme Family |
For my previous notes, you can visit this link: cktawebhauz.webs.com/ where I'm keeping all these testimonies.
Dear families and readers,
These testimonies are not meant to inspire or mandate anybody nor influence or whatever you may call it, I just wish to put in one place all my testimonies for my future generation and tribe to read.
Have a nice day to all,
Though it was announced earlier that the BKKB student-workshop was converted to a Divine Principle seminar, I never had any inclinations that that 4 days would be the turning point of my life. Though I was preparing myself to meet the Lord, I never thought that in that workshop I would become one of the clouds prophesied in the bible who would welcome the Messiah.
I was so excited to attend, prepared my things well thinking that I would be attending a leadership workshop for the first time outside the campus. The night before I left our house, I felt something very strange. I couldn't sleep and some kind of fear attacked me. I couldn't describe my feeling and the thought about the workshop came into my mind. Until 4 am, I was struggling whether I would go or not. I just prayed to the Lord that if that was His will allow me to go, IF it wasn't, better create a logical reason that I couldn't go. However, despite having no sleep until 4 am, I woke up well at 7, prepared myself and left our house at 8 in the morning. I arrived in CARP student home just before the group had to move to the church center in Aduas for the seminar venue. When I saw many of my comrades from our university were attending too, I forgot my strange feeling anymore the night before. I enjoyed the orientation and introductory lecture before lunch of the first day. In the afternoon, we had our first dose of the real Divine Principle lecture. Our lecturer for the entire 4 days was Rev. Niduasa who was then the Regional Director for Northeastern Luzon. Our seminar coordinator was Mr. Abner Aquino who was then teaching in one of the schools in Cabanatuan City.
The Principle of creation is science base and the explanations suffice my intellectual understanding about creation and the universe. It gave me a lot of interest to listen attentively because though I attended different religious groups and denominations, I never learned any religious principle with scientific base explanations. It was my first time to realize that God is not God "out there" but God is "OUR PARENT". It was my first time to feel that God is our Parent and suddenly I thought that's maybe the very reason why Jesus began his prayer with "Our father". My mind was seriously contemplating about God being "our parent" instead of just being God taught to us in Christianity. The explanation gave me a deeper view of God's personality and heart. God being a parent is completely different from other theory that I've learned. One more point was that, the entire universe was created in pattern to human beings. That was very new to me, really. When I thought about that deeply, I came to my senses that, "yeah, it's true!" These 2 points caught my interest to pay attention to that workshop.
The following morning, we had, of course, our area of cleaning responsibility and our group was assigned to take care of the lecture hall. As early as 5 am, we were hearing a Korean music played by a cassette tape. For me, it was very strange because who among the students understood Korean. My job was to scrub the floor with the "bunot" and to set my mood in, I turned off the cassette tape and just tuned it in to FM mellow rock sound so we could have a nice sound. While everybody was enjoying the cleaning, all of a sudden the mother figure came down from the 2nd floor and scolded us strongly saying that satanic music was not allowed in the center. Whew! I was so shocked to hear that those songs enjoyed by the young people were satanic songs as she described...I never reacted bluntly about it though I couldn't understand how could it become satanic.
After breakfast we had our second lecture which was about the Fall of Man. What a very clear explanation about the true meaning of the fruit, the 2 trees in the Garden of Eden and the real identity of the serpent. I understood well what was the root of sin and no question about it. The topic was until the 4 kinds of sin and fallen natures. Things were becoming excited for me since those were really new ideas. I found the explanations very logical and universally well accepted. I didn't have any question about that until during our team discussion I was asked to break-up my relationship with a guy. That was a bit shocking since I never heard from the lecture that it was neither a sin nor a mistake. That night, I couldn't sleep and I came out of the room passing the room by the stairs where all the seminar staffs, team leaders and lecturer were having a meeting. What a coincidence! That very moment I overheard them discussing about me and their conclusion was to send me home because I could disturb the seminar atmosphere and influence other participants. I remained quiet as I went back to our room and think about it the whole night without their knowledge that I knew what would happen the next day.
My heart was very heavy that morning, I didn't join the morning exercise instead I arranged my things and ready to go after breakfast. My ego was touched and my personality was retaliating. What did I do wrong? Was it bad to question things like issues on having boyfriend? Why it was a sin? Was it bad to ask who was the couple in the picture frames hanged in every room and single area of the house? Was it bad to react why we need to wear socks during lecture time especially if the participants were not used to wear socks in the house? Admittedly speaking, I did a lot of naughty things during that time such as distributing stick of matches to those who were at the front seats telling them to place it in between their eyelids because it was so shameful to doze off in front during lecture time; changing seat depending on the lecture atmosphere; and, others. Whatever their reasons were, I didn't hear anything except the recommendation that I must be sent home.
Anyhow, I was prepared to go and told myself, "I will never come back and never will join CARP anymore".
I believed God knows me best and He knew that if I would leave that place that day..... My road to restoration would be blocked and prolonged. After breakfast, I took a shower and that time, our CARP coordinator Elder Jelly Torres joined me in the shower room and without any reason suddenly she explained a logical scenario related to the process and motivation of the fall and from there I realized why having a relationship was not good. She told me I had to finish the lectures so I could understand completely the whole thing. I was waiting for any of them to tell me to go but nobody did so I continued and luckily I was able to reach the concluding part.
Actually that evening we discussed about the Purpose of the Messiah. I was crying deep in my heart knowing the truth that JESUS was a real man with flesh and bones. I couldn't imagine how could he endured the physical pain of being crucified for us. All throughout my life as a Catholic I was made to believe that Jesus was God -- omniscient/omnipotent-almighty! That understanding about God made me believed that He was free from suffering and pain and all sorts of things. Only that time I realized how painful externally and internally it was for Jesus to experience the crucifixion. I love Jesus very much. I had even wished to be married with him after I dreamed about that. I felt strongly connected with him because of those dreams that I had in the past that's why learning about the crucifixion, the result of John the Baptist's failure and Jesus real identity made my faith with him stronger than before and the more I came to value the lectures presented to us.
That night as I was very grateful to be there listening to the lecture. That was the night too that I was tested to leave because of what I had overheard. If I let my ego and arrogance go out of me, I could have gone without finishing the lecture and that would be the end of God's preparation for me to receive the Messiah....Really God knows us best. He knows where to touch us and how to teach us. It's a matter of our portion of responsibility to respond and how much arrogance we need to shed off so that we can meet God in His time frame.
Third day was all about the last days, principle of restoration from overview until the providential families and parallelism of history. What were interesting then were the issues about Jacob and Esau, the twins inside Tamar's womb, the offerings of Abraham, the mistake of Ham, Jesus 3 temptations and Moses course. All the symbols and parables in the Bible became clearer to me. I didn't fully understand all the chapters but these parts got my interest because I realized I came to understand well what was in the BIBLE that were all mysteries for me before. These topics gave light and a clear understanding of what I was reading from the Holy Book. Also, many of my dreams were interpreted during that time together with many questions I had in my mind were all answered.
That evening we had watched a video about FAITH and REALITY. It was about True Father's course. While watching, suddenly I heard a small voice "hmmm for sure they will tell you that Rev Moon is the Messiah, would you believe it?" I didn't know where that thought came from. I remembered the Mormon's faith that after all the study sessions I had with them, at the end they claimed Joseph Smith was the modern day prophet anointed by God. Also that night I had disturbed the atmosphere by saying that statement in sarcasm to other participants while watching the video. However, as we continued to watch the video, I came to learn the many foundations True Parents have built in the entire course of his ministry until that time. Those accomplishments and his torture life in prison amazed me and it erased the bit of doubt created by that small voice I heard a while ago.
On the 4th and it was the final day, I was shocked to see the topic "when, where and how the Messiah will come?" That slide reminded me of the small voice I heard the night we were watching the video and I told myself, "This is another religion too". All the past lectures came back into my mind but instead of inspirations, I realized they were presented in that way to convince us to join their church which I hate to since Jesus showed me in my dreams that IT'S NOT RELIGION who would SAVE ME. I felt a bit frustrated.
I didn't know what kind of feeling I had but I lost interest to listen to the lectures attentively though I remained seated in my place. I honestly didn't pay any attention anymore. However, some kind of miracle happened to me during that time. When the topic is already about "Where", Rev Niduasa showed the slide of 3 countries in the Far East, my eyes were focused only on Korean map and suddenly my ears couldn't hear anything, I couldn't hear the lecture's voice anymore. My surroundings became very quiet and the only thing I had remembered was a small voice begging me to believe "He is the one, he is the one, why can't you believe it?" While I was hearing that voice begging me many time to believe it, I felt an invisible being pinched my left chest so strongly that I shout for "ouch" and I started to cry until the lecture was over even until our closing ceremony and even until I was leaving the seminar venue that evening.
I couldn't explain well that time what had happened to me because I kept on crying and crying and even couldn't eat. My feelings were changed from a doubt to an absolute acceptance that True Father is the Messiah. My dubious heart turned into a heart of joy knowing that the Messiah was already on earth and in my lifetime I could meet him personally. After that incident, I was very quiet and just tears kept on rolling down my face and every time I saw the staff, they all looked like angels to my eyes. I felt I didn't want to leave the place. What so dramatic was when I wrote a note to the brother who invited me, I wrote it in a table napkin and it was full of tears expressing my gratitude for inviting me to join the workshop.
Have you imagined the scenario? For the entire 3 days, I didn't have any aura that could be said "oh she is prepared to receive the lecture". Rather I looked like the opposite. Never did I possess that image and attitude and base on my behavior during those times, nobody would expect that I would be the most sincere participant to accept the truth. In my reflection papers, I never expressed my realizations except thanking the lecturer for the job well done that day. Honestly, nobody believed me when I cried after that "slide". It looked like I was acting fake. Most especially, since I was part of a leftist- idealist student group; I looked like a spy inside the seminar at that time.
When I was alone in the room packing my things I was crying continuously, I remembered Sister Beth who came in, she was a registered nurse and was assigned as PWPA coordinator in the region asking me "why are you crying?"
I burst into more tears in my answer to her that it was because I already found the messiah and blaming myself why only that time I found him well in fact if I responded to the invitation 2 years back, I could have known earlier the truth I was longing for however, I was so confused with her reply telling me to "PRAY MORE MAYBE YOU ARE MISTAKEN"
I don't know if that was a Test-reply or because she too didn't believe I understood the lecture and accepted True Father. But my heart was firmed in that belief that True Father is the one I was waiting for who has to come. Because of that small voice begging me to see the truth in that lecture was the real reason I accepted True Father as the messiah. The small begging voice, strong pinch in my chest and that "slide" were the SPIRITUAL experiences I had that opened my spiritual eyes to learn and accept the truth from Heaven.
I believed God had pushed me to the limit already because it's about time for me to really take the mission for the providence. I was 19 years old and was in my 3rd year in the university taking up Geodetic Engineering. I was very much involved in different student organizations and most likely with my involvement with those leftist-idealist students, I could have gone astray in my life if God wouldn't have forced me to learn the truth.
I accepted True Father as the Messiah not because I understood the entire Divine Principle lectures we had at that time nor the intellectual knowledge of what we have learned. I believed, I was really called and God have made my destiny beyond any preparations.
There were so many blocks and disturbances before I could attend the real lectures. It took more than a year before I responded to the invitation. There were many dreams too before I met the Unification church as preparation for me to meet True Parents. I firmly believed my ancestors have made my way seriously to really meet my destined path. If you were called, you will surely be captured. I realized later how much forces of evil have tried to stop and block me however it's our will-power that would help God meet and reach our destination.
Before I left the church center, I declared in my prayer, "From today October 22nd 1987 at 10 am, my life is only for God and True Parents."
My views and mindset had changed 180 degrees immediately after that moment as if i have accustomed to that belief already. I felt a change of atmosphere within me immediately after that, things that I couldn't explain by words but a great joy and degree of seriousness enveloped me.
Now i could say, that is How God called us, hooked us and destined us to the path He wished us to be.
(The next testimony will be under "Life and Mission": Testimonies about my life after knowing the Messiah)
Tuesday, May 31st 2011, 7 pm Ulsan City