One year ago I was really struggling to know if I should go on STF-Europe or not. I spoke a lot to my parents at that time, and finally decided to go. Somehow I felt like God wanted me to do it. I felt such a push from somewhere to go. I couldn’t imagine what STF-Europe would be like and I didn’t really think about it so much. When I got to the kick-off workshop, I was asking myself what I was doing there. The thought of spending one year away from home and not knowing what was going to happen was really difficult. But when our fundraising teams were announced and we went off together to our countries, I felt much more comfortable and happy. I loved my team from the start and I loved being in Scotland.

I had only had small experiences of fundraising before STF-Europe, so I didn’t know what to expect. The first week or so I was getting used to fundraising and learning how everything worked. I quickly realized for myself that you have to make fundraising an internal experience, otherwise there is no point to it and you just feel empty inside. I started working on making my runs more deep and meaningful. I started to have my first really deep experiences during fundraising. Sometimes on my runs I would have an amazing feeling, like I was really close to God and absolutely nothing could bring me down. One run there was a beautiful rainbow and I was singing one song. I had such an incredible feeling and I could really feel the words to that song in my heart, like I never did before. It was always difficult to get out of the van at the beginning of the runs and I had to push myself everyday. Externally things got hard and I had to try to overcome my physical limitations.

We started being dropped off in villages alone. I loved doing the villages. The people were so friendly and also the beautiful nature inspired me a lot. One day I was dropped off in a village by the sea. It was a really rainy, cold and windy day, and very quickly I was completely soaked through. It was so difficult to keep going. I was thinking of finding some shelter somewhere and stopping because I felt so miserable, but somehow I just kept going. Then just a short time after one lady opened the door and straight away, before I could even say my line, she invited me inside. She took my wet coat and shoes and put them by the fire to dry, and then she brought me hot coffee and chocolate and gave me some dry clothes from her daughter. She was even trying to find me a coat and shoes. She was such an incredibly good person. It was just the feeling that I had from her, she was so loving and caring. At the end she bought 3 packets of Christmas stickers from me and drove me to my pick up point. She told me that her daughter was really ill in hospital and that her husband had left her, but she was still such a loving person. Through this experience I could really feel God’s love for me. I felt so low, but God was always there looking after me and could give me so much love in the end. I felt like God was telling me not to forget about him, that he is always there guiding me, which I suppose I had forgotten. That meant a lot to me. Towards the end of the first condition I was getting really exhausted physically and spiritually, so it was really nice to meet the others for the France workshop and go to Disneyland.

For the second condition I felt much more refreshed and for the first few weeks of that condition I felt really good and enjoyed the fundraising, which I suppose I hadn’t before. At the end of November I broke my ankle. After spending a few days in hospital I had to leave my team and go home to recover. It was really a very strange time. I was quite shocked that it happened and kept asking myself why it had happened. I was in a lot of pain and had to get used to being quite helpless and having to rely on others all the time. Many people told me I could use this time as reflection and that I could really learn something from this experience, but I just wanted to get back to normal as quickly as possible. I didn’t realize how serious it actually was and in the end it took much longer than I thought before I could walk again. I knew that I had to bring something out of that experience, and I had a lot of time to think. I had to be really patient and humble. I had to learn to walk all over again, which was quite a long process. For me this turned out to be a really deep experience and I feel it was something I had to go through. For this to have happened while I was on STF-Europe was unfortunate, because I missed so much. But also I could realize how precious STF-Europe was. Having to be away from everyone for so long and missing everyone so much, I had such a deep longing to come back again. I went through a lot of frustration at not being able to do what I wanted to do. At the end of that experience I felt like my eyes had been opened to all the blessings God has given us and I was just so incredibly grateful for the most simplest of things. To be able to walk, putting one foot in front of the other was just amazing. And things like standing up, carrying things from one place to another, and just doing things for myself I could be so grateful for. I grew up a lot through that experience and realized the important things in life.

Finally at the beginning of March I could join the start of the witnessing condition. My new team was Mira’s team in Kosice, Slovakia. It was quite strange to go back again, but I was really happy to be back finally. I had never done any witnessing before, so on the first day I just went out with an open mind and I really enjoyed it. For some time I couldn’t do so much street witnessing because I still couldn’t walk much. But even in a short time I met many good people and had nice experiences. I loved being with the guests in the lectures and getting to know them. In Kosice there was already a strong foundation from the members there, which made things easier, and they all took care of us so well. During witnessing time I had a lot of time for personal study and prayer. Also sitting through so many Divine Principle lectures everyday I could learn to understand many points more deeply. I realised how true and good the Divine Principle was and wanted the guests to realize this too.

As time went on I started to think more about my parents and my faith. I had heard many people say before that witnessing helps you understand your parents more, but I didn’t really understand how it could. I started to feel much more connected to my parents and think about how it must have been for them and why they joined, what they thought of the Divine Principle etc. I realized how difficult it must have been for them, and this brought me to a point where I started thinking a lot more deeply about my own faith. Before I had just gone along with things and thought it was the right thing for me, but never really thought more deeply about what it means to be part of the church and follow True Parents. Going out everyday and talking to people about God and faith and the meaning of life really forces you to think about it yourself, and teaching and studying the Divine Principle everyday also inevitably makes you think about these things. Having 40 minute prayers everyday helped me a lot to clear up things in my mind, doubts and questions I had.

For the first two months I didn’t feel like I could connect to the guests so much. Then I met a girl called Eva. Straight away I felt really connected to her, it was really strange. She seemed quite sad and was having a difficult time in life. After her first lecture she said she was really happy she had come. She started coming to the center quite often and I could build up a good friendship with her. She is such a loving person she was always hugging and kissing me. I felt so happy being together with her. She came to a two day seminar and I tried to help her to understand the Divine Principle better. She kept coming to lectures, but I didn’t really know how much she was taking in and understanding. I didn’t really know what to do as I didn’t want to push her. She didn’t seem so interested in the lectures many times, but I just tried to be a friend to her and try to explain things to her. During her exams I didn’t see her for a few weeks and I missed her a lot. Then she sent me a card which said "I love you" on the front and inside was a letter which said some really nice things. Finally I could tell her about True Parents I explained everything to her, and she took it all really well. She has a very open mind. She came to the final Three Day Seminar and I could spend my last few days with her. She gave me another card which said "Thank you for showing me God’s way". I never imagined I could meet such a person as her, who I could connect to so well. I know I could help her a lot, and she gave me so much love too. I could connect to the other guests too through giving them lectures. I sometimes didn’t feel like I could convey the beauty of the Divine Principle well enough, but at least I could have a better connection to the guests and understand the Divine Principle better myself. I was really sad to leave Kosice because almost from the start I felt at home there.

In the last month or so of this STF-Europe year, I could really feel like I’ve changed a lot through everything that I’ve been through. Some times were really high and others were really low, but through every single experience I know I could learn something valuable. Most important for me was that I learned my own value, how important I was for God and other people. Also I could realize that God is guiding my life always. In this year I could always feel like everything was happening for a reason that God was always trying to teach me something through everything I went through. I learned that God knows what is best for me and what I always need. My trust in God became much deeper. Practically I could learn how to change things in my life, what things I need to work on more and ways to build up my life of faith.

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