In the 1st Condition I had been so excited, everything was new and inspiring. However, the 2nd 40 days were very challenging, because suddenly I was confronted with myself, I got depressed and almost lost all of my spirit. I didn’t really know what my problem was though.

In this Condition I wanted to become a more stable and confident person, but then I had so many ups and downs. True Father says that one can be confident by practicing what you’ve learned…I knew many things in my head but I struggled so because I couldn’t understand things and God’s words with my heart. And suddenly I realized what my problem was: I was too busy with myself. All the time I was only thinking about myself. And it is so easy to get upset when you are selfish. The only way to get out of this is to serve and live for the sake of others. I realized that I had been so depressed because I had been thinking about myself only and that’s why everything seemed to be against me...and that’s why I finally forgot about God.

But if you are with God, if you are aware that he is always there, even if you say "God, take a rest, I will go", he will always walk beside you. This made me happy again, I knew from my heart that no matter what happens there is a God who loves me and takes care of me. And also I had a team which was affected by my mood, but which was there for me always nevertheless. I had to start to give 100%!

From that point of I began to have total trust in God, I wanted to make God happy by being happy and joyful myself. Now I feel victory in my heart because I could overcome the challenge of the "struggles with myself". If you have the attitude "I will overcome it myself, I don’t ask God for help but I will show how strong I am" you can bring total victory to God, which will become your own victory and success in the end. STF is like a marathon, there are so many ups and downs. You have to have absolute belief and determination to reach the goal, although it is challenging and you don’t see the finishing line yet.

So what I really gained from this Condition is to have the strong desire to never give up. This will be my goal for the whole year, for I know then God will guide me to the right path and will protect and take care of me.

Thank you God for this Condition!

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