The Words of the Kim Family Before 2008
|
|
The Words of the Kim Family Before 2008 |
Since my daughter has been married I believe I have become more mature. In my missions, I have always been in the position of a father. Since people trusted me in that position, I had to be careful not to be quick to judge others. Such judgment can be very strong sometimes. I really didn't have much of a father's feeling. My attitudes and actions still seemed like those of a young person. Mostly my focus was on being a good son, a child of True Parents, myself. I didn't even think about my own children very much. Since I've been in America I have had little opportunity to raise my children directly. But now that my daughter is blessed I can't think like a child any longer; I must think more like a father. And I actually do feel more like one. Soon I will even be a grandfather!
When my daughter Yoon Sook became a candidate for the Blessing, I wondered how much I could trust her. Could I guarantee my daughter to Father? Honestly speaking, I didn't worry about who would become my son-in-law; I only worried whether my own daughter would obey and follow Father 100 percent -- no matter what kind of spouse she was given. This was my main concern. I had no confidence and just kept asking her if she was sure she would accept Father's choice.
About two years ago, just before Father went to Danbury, Father was preparing for a holy wedding for the blessed children, in the event that the courts decided in his favor. He asked the candidates living in Korea to send photographs. At that time I was traveling in Idaho. I was very nervous, so I called my wife and daughter in Korea. I asked my daughter, "Are you confident that you can obey and follow Father 100 percent?" She replied, "There's no other way for me to go. I am a member of the second generation, so I have no choice but to follow:" Somehow I felt this answer was not good enough. I was worried that she had some idea of her own but knew she couldn't fulfill it. I did not feel reassured.
During the matching in Korea I sat in the back row while Father addressed the candidates. I couldn't bear to wait and see what would happen, and I had to keep going to the bathroom. Finally I just went home and waited there nervously. I cleaned the house, fixed a broken door, and did a lot of other physical work.
During this waiting period I did a great deal of reflecting, and I felt that in the past my heart and character had not been enough. When I was the director of the Blessed Family Department in Korea, I was always very concerned about the Blessing candidates. I tried my best to take care of them; I realized how much I needed to educate and guide them. Their engagement was a moment of serious judgment for me, and I was always nervous. Still, my feelings about them just did not compare to the anxiety that I felt about my own daughter's matching. For her I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep, I couldn't wait. I couldn't even sit down. This time I really discovered the reality of a parent's heart. I repented that all those sermons I had given in the past were just external. I thought, "My concern for others is not enough. I need to take care of Cain more than Abel. I have to have as much love and serious concern for other children as I do for my own physical children." Without doing this, I knew I would always remain anxious and would never accomplish my goals, so I made this my new determination. Then at midnight my wife and daughter returned home with the news that my daughter had just accepted Father's match -- to Jin Seung Eu!
I was a little bit surprised that my daughter had been matched to Mrs. Eu's son. I had been President Eu's assistant before he died. He and Mrs. Eu were my elders and I was aware of the difficult situation of the Eu family after President Eu died, but I had focused on continuing my next mission rather than being concerned about them directly.
Although I have always felt confident that my four sons would remain connected to me, it was my nature to worry a great deal about my daughter. I was always so sad that she grew up while I was engaged in a public mission overseas; I just didn't have enough time with her to build a solid relationship or to convey my real heart to her. Sometimes I was afraid that if she got married she would just break off her connection to me. Then, amazingly, I received a son-in-law who had no father. I felt that he might be lonely and really need my help. Even his mother encouraged him to talk to me about everything and rely on me. This matching was the miraculous way True Parents connected our families and helped me restore my trust in my daughter.
The day after the matching I helped my new son-in-law prepare for the wedding while my wife was busy helping take care of Father's family. I took Jin Sung to a department store and bought him a suit and everything he needed. He wanted only one suit, but I bought him two. Suddenly I felt he was just like a son to me; I felt that I could trust him 100 percent and I wanted to give him everything I had. The feeling between us was very natural right from the beginning.
I haven't lived in Korea for six years. Even while I was there, I could usually spend only one night a week at home with my family. I lived the rest of the time at the headquarters building. My wife was also here in America at East Garden for a long time, so the children stayed a lot with their grandmother, one of the early members. I had very little opportunity to interact with my own children directly. Many of the other regional directors are in the same situation. Some of them have been away from their families for as long as ten years.
One particular concern I had about my children's education when they were young was that if I said, "You're special; you are the child of a blessed couple and you belong to Heavenly Father," they would misuse that idea and look down on others. I knew that Father was a perfect example of a faithful person, but I myself always experienced so much difficulty. How could I testify to myself? Because I was worried about that, I didn't educate them very strongly when they were young.
As they grew up, I knew they could learn about who they were at Sunday school. The church director taught them Bible stories and the Principle. Through such education they could learn clearly about the importance of True Parents, the nature of their parents' position as 36 Blessed Couples, and what we went through. On that foundation they could respect us. After a while my children had a lot of questions, and I could answer them. Later, when they attended junior high, high school, and college, I had no more opportunity to be with them.
My daughter went through many difficult challenges as a teenager. She was the best student in her class, and sometimes her classmates would invite her to parties or to go out camping with them. Because of our church schedule, however, she couldn't go. Besides, she couldn't drink any alcohol. The students would ask my children why they couldn't do these things, and they told them they were Unification Church members. Then they would receive a lot of persecution which they had to overcome. Now they are fairly strong. When my daughter attended high school, very few of the students were church members; but now where my daughter goes to college there are many CARP members, so I don't think it will be so difficult for her.
If we as the first generation disobey Father at the matching, we can be forgiven. We do not belong to Father 100 percent; sometimes Satan can still dominate us through our bodies. However, Father has a strong expectation of and trust in the second generation. It is quite a different situation if one of them says, "I have my own idea." If we make a mistake, it's not so bad; but if our children make a mistake, then it becomes a grave historical problem.
It is not very valuable for us to try to gain through prayer Heavenly Father's permission to pursue our own ideas. We should just obey God, and obey True Parents the same way. If Father asks us to do something, then we shouldn't pray to do something else. In the past my children would sometimes ask me questions, but I often could not answer because I myself had to ask Father. If they asked me when I was coming back to Korea I said I didn't know. "Everything depends on Father;' I told them. In order to prepare for the Blessing we need many conditions, but the main one is to obey Father. In that way we can be ready to follow his suggestion at the matching. We follow True Parents eternally after the Blessing. If we find out later that our spouse has a particular problem, then we shouldn't mind or pay any attention to that. I was very surprised and proud that my daughter and almost every other blessed child totally accepted Father's match.
I had to search and suffer a lot before I could find the Principle and True Parents. For me it was very exciting to open myself to Father and follow him all my life. But the next generation became Moonies automatically; they grew up in a kind of spiritual greenhouse. Sometimes I wonder if they will be able to persevere when the storms come; but they have shown through this matching that they want to attend and obey Father and I am very glad about that.
Parents have to be a good example to their children and demonstrate their own faithfulness. Then the spirit world can help their children. Children observe their parents' attitudes. If I am a good central figure, then they will follow. For example, I have never even saved any money in an account for my own sons and daughter; instead, I use whatever money I have for the sake of the neighborhood and for the sake of the world. Then, even if the people who receive the money don't change and come to believe in God, a blessing will still come to my own children. They will have good health and become wealthy themselves. I believe in this formula.
Even though I have not been able to educate my children directly, they have learned from my example. If we sacrifice for the sake of others, then blessing will automatically come to the second generation. When my daughter was young, she had no idea of how I fought for her spiritually. Now I know she deeply understands the truth of the Principle and can protect herself. Honestly speaking, the Blessing has made her very happy, and she feels she has received a very good husband. She is always smiling these days.