Self-realization is one of the essential components of fully manifesting our internal potential to attain perfection. Each man and woman has both aspects of male and female in themselves, although different in strength. A relationship with a woman allows the man, for example, to have a natural sensitivity to his feminine aspects, which he carries within himself. A relationship with a man allows the woman the same awareness to her internal male aspects.

"The way to complete myself is attained through another." Each time when I invest myself in someone else, an opportunity exists to find fulfillment. A man can experience his full masculine potential when he has integrated the female part in himself. The woman can also realize her full feminine potential, when she has synthesized her masculine aspect.

We know intuitively that in a dynamic relationship between a man and a woman, deep desires such as security, closeness and trust, can be realized. Love can flow when the polarity of giving and receiving is activated.  Love is the strongest force in the Universe and it is available to us at all times, waiting for us to decide to awaken it in our partnership. To love my partner means to give her a place in my own heart, to integrate the aspects that she embodies within myself. As we integrate our partners identity into our heart, we become closer and the relationship becomes more intimate.

a) Masculine aspects

For a man it is important to have the character aspects of power and competence, to work efficiently and to achieve something in the world. Men find fulfillment in being successful in their endeavors. Also, autonomy is very important; it is a symbol of masculinity.

The tendency of the masculine nature is to try to first solve a problem alone. To give a man advice without his asking for it can be interpreted as doubting his ability to take care of the situation. He could get the feeling that he is being doubted in having the ability to solve the problem alone. 
It is ok to give advice when a man asks first for it. In fact, when a man asks for advice, he believes this to be a sign of intelligence.

Therefore when a man starts to talk about a problem it can be interpreted as an invitation for discussion and shows that he is open for advice.

b) Female aspect

The characteristics of a woman are to treasure love, communication, beauty and relationships. The feminine self assesses her self-awareness through feelings and the quality of the relationships. It is very important for her to share and to express. Women endeavor to live close to each other in harmony, community and loving devotion. The expression of her individual personality, and especially feelings, is very important for a woman. To receive sympathy and understanding, and the possibility to express her own feelings, provide for her a important source of satisfaction.

In comparison men are more conscious of goals, while women are more interested in relationships. The knowledge about differences and different needs of men and women can support a dynamic relationship.

In stress situations men withdraw to themselves and concentrate on the problem, while women want to "talk about it out in the open," to express their emotions.

He feels better when he has found a solution for the problem and can then talk easier about it later. She feels better if she can talk about the problem, and process her feelings.

When a man is in stress he withdraws "into his hiding place" to collect his thoughts and to be alone. When a man is stuck in his hiding place, he is not in the position to be available to his partner and to give her the consideration that she deserves.

The expectation that a man can show his loving feelings constantly is a dangerous illusion, just as is the expectation that a woman can permanently give love.

A woman in stress becomes attentive of many situations and problems.

Statements such as these express simply her feelings "at the moment". 
-- You never listen to me.
-- You have no time for me and the family.

To feel better she talks about either past or future problems, or situations in which there are no solutions.  Women in a such situation need their feelings to be understood and they need the freedom to talk about even more problems.

A man finds satisfaction when he can find a solution to a problem. A woman is satisfied when she can explain it in detail and everyone has a clear understanding of it.

a) The Vacillating Nature of men

If a man does not receive the opportunity to withdraw into himself for solitude, he will never develop a strong desire for intimacy. It is important for women to understand that a man's need for solitude is natural and so is his strong desire for autonomy and independence. Men can support a limited measure of intimacy without feeling restricted. After awhile he starts to feel the need for autonomy and begins to become distanced. Men are mostly not aware of the fact that when they suddenly withdraw, this can be very distressing for a woman.

b) The Oscillating Nature of women

Women have phases in which they are full of love, but also phases where they feel empty and then they just need somebody to love them.

It is important to understand that this pattern is not easy to break. Before a woman can be emotionally uplifted she has to have the feeling that she is loved, or at least accepted.

When a man is able to express love to a woman, she can shine with radiance and fulfillment. Most men expect that she will always stay like this. However this expectation that her positive feelings can never alter is exactly as absurd as the hope that the weather would never change.

To show a woman love when she is "totally down" is a great gift; and she will find it invaluable. This immediately creates a deeper trust in the relationship.

As a man withdraws to himself internally and afterwards seeks once again intimacy. So does a woman have emotional phases of being loving and positive and then phases of being empty and down.

When a woman is able to support her partner's need for distance and respect the boundary of his "hiding place," he can reciprocate to fulfill her need to be emotionally understood.

For a profound partnership it is essential that we respect and grant the needs of our partner exactly as we wish our own needs to be recognized and fulfilled.

The different aspects express themselves also in the different needs. The male needs are: trust, acceptance, acknowledgment, admiration, agreement and encouragement. The female needs are: to be cared for, understanding, respect, dedication, appreciation and security. The recognition and respect for these essential needs make the foundation for a loving relationship between two people. When the essential needs of a man are satisfied, he can more easily integrate and enjoy his mysterious feminine side (to be nurtured, understood, respected, dedicated, appreciated, and secure).

Correspondingly the woman needs to integrate and experience trust, acceptance, admiration, support and encouragement. But she can best accept and appreciate her masculine side when her essential needs are met. 

The secret of a profound partnership lies in the mutual fulfillment of the essential needs by the other's partner, and only then can each open up to the capability to love each other deeply and utterly without reserve.

Care and Trust
When a man considers the wishes of his wife and takes her seriously, she will begin to trust him more and more. Especially when he cares not only for external requests, but also cares for the fulfillment of her emotional needs.

When a woman shows her partner her trust she is showing him that she believes in him and is certain that he will do his best. When a woman shows confidence in the abilities and intentions of her husband, his essential need to be trusted finds fulfillment. Then he will reciprocate by showing more care for her.

Understanding and Acceptance
When the feminine needs of being listened too and emotionally understood are fulfilled then it is easier for a woman to show her husband acceptance and trust.

Respect and Acknowledgment
When a man shows acceptance of his wife's rights, desires and needs, giving her needs priority before his own, then she feels respected. (Manifested expressions are needed)

When a woman shows to her husband that his behavior is comforting and that she feels respected, he feels acknowledged. Acknowledgment is her natural response of the respect he showed her.

Dedication/Thoughtfulness and Admiration
A woman blossoms when she is adored and experiences that she is someone special. When a woman is certain that she is the only one in her husband's heart, it is easier for her to respond in admiration for him. Indeed, in each man's heart is the desire to be the fulfillment of his partner's dream (i.e., her Prince Charming).

Appreciation and Agreement 
It requires a man to support the right of his wife to express her emotions. It is in his best interest to show his effort to understand her.

A man's need for agreement is satisfied when his partner is able to appreciate his unique character and talents.  Agreement does not always require having the same opinion, but it means to understand the reason or intention behind a partner's actions.

Security and Encouragement
When a man often shows his wife that he cares, understands, respects and regards her, her need for security can be fulfilled. Security for a woman means the indisputable knowledge that she is loved.

When a woman shows the attitude of trust, acceptance,  acknowledgment, admiration and agreement, the man feels encouraged to realize his fullest potential.

Several wrong concepts are listed here:

My partner can automatically recognize my wishes and needs. I do not need to express them.

In our partnership, my partner will satisfy all my needs and I will never feel lonely anymore.

It is a sign of unity in the partnership to do everything together.

A different opinion, and even "seriously saying no," shows that there is a lack of love.

We can establish harmony through always being nice and friendly to each other and ignoring negative feelings.

A satisfying sexual relationship without communication, cooperation, maturity and empathy is possible.

It is possible to change my partner according to my wishes.

In a profound partnership there exists no conflicts and no sufferings.

A partnership can offer mutual stability, even if the partners do not have a stable personality.

A good partnership replaces all personal friendships.

Men and women should complement all aspects of each other. What is missing in one, should be found in the other.

The personal development of individuality prevents the realization of a profound partnership.

Jealousy is a sign of love and not a sign of owning someone.

Creating a loving relationship as a couple is a growing process and needs conscious development and continuous effort. The following attitudes can be a helpful guide:

1. Our relationship has a hidden purpose. Life has brought us together and has given us a sacred mission to fulfill. It will be both beneficial and a gift for us when we complete it together.

2. My partner is an independent individual who has his/her own wishes, needs and goals. To achieve unity and harmony in our relationship, we have to first develop a real understanding of our partner. Only after we understand their real self, we can work out our common points without limiting the further development of each personality.

3. I do not expect that my partner can automatically read my wishes and needs. To enable my partner to create a real understanding, I am responsible to express my desires and needs, without a demanding attitude. My partner is then free to decide when and how they wish to respond.

4. When difficulties arise, I should first question myself to become clarified within myself before I search for the faults in the partner or react out of my own unconscious feelings.

5. Partnership means equal value, but not equality. The needs and desires of my partner are important and valuable, just as my own (equal value). A different opinion, as well as "seriously saying no," should not be assumed as a lack of Love (not equality).

6. In order to open myself fully to my partner it is necessary to integrate the "dark side" of my personality. I am responsible to integrate it and should expect no one else to. Always being nice and friendly is not a true way to create or maintain harmony. Giving emotions space in the relationship is important, as well as to attending to and clarifying negative feelings.

7. A loving partnership supports the process of finding the true self, of maturing one's own personality and finally to live life from the heart. This process can only be realized by myself and my partner can just support it.

8. The more I live out of my true self, the more I become open for love. Through a conscious loving relationship I can discover my godlike self. Therein lies the potential of love.

9. I look within myself for the strength and abilities that I am missing. I do not put demands on my partner to bestow it.

10. I recognize the responsibility to create a good partnership. As well as the required process to mature from an unconscious demanding relationship to a conscious giving relationship.

Unconscious: "I must find the right partner."
Conscious: "I want to become the right partner."

A loving partnership requires the courage to be authentic, honest, open and also the readiness to be in a constant growing process. Without developing love and maturing our own personality, a partnership cannot fulfill the wonderful potential that is contained within it.

a) Unrealistic conceptions

The beginning stage of a partner relationship is often marked with excessive expectations, visions, hopes and ideals. There is a lot of excitement in being together. But not a very deep understanding of each other. In this stage of the partnership that started in a romance, both partners are thinking: "You are perfect, you belong to me and I belong to you."

A basic reason for this feeling of great happiness is that we have found someone who we believe accepts us as we are. In this early development of the relationship lies the danger to create a mistaken attitude that could be expressed as follows: "You take care to satisfy my needs without realizing my long-term wishes that make me truly happy." Such thinking can lead to dependency on the other and lead to the lack of taking any responsibility for ourselves. Then, when our expectations are not fulfilled, disappointments result. At this stage of the partnership this attitude could cause one to blame the other partner for not loving one enough, giving them the responsibility of our unfulfilled expectations.

When couples begin their relationship, most of them have resolute conceptions. Men have a resolute image of women and women a resolute image of men. These high expectations which are awakened during the romantic stage of the relationship seem to be confirmed through the excitement of the first feelings of happiness and fulfillment. For instance, one may think, "Yes! He/She is the one for me!! At last!" In the course of time, however, experience usually shows that there is a difference between the conception and the reality. In order to hold on to their idealistic concepts unwilling partners who don't feel ready to build a genuinely committed relationship to the actual person begin instead to manipulate their partner. They will try to change them according their own concepts and expectations.

An essential reason why we cannot maintain the feeling of love that we had in the very beginning of the relationship is mostly because we are not honest with ourselves. We yearn to be in love and to find our ideal partner. In our emotional excitement we often do not see the other person clearly. We promise to love them, but in reality we love only to have our own needs met. How many times do we say to each other, "You don't love me. You don't understand me." Or "I thought you loved me, I thought you understood me."  Often our demands on the partner are too much. We expect "My partner should always be friendly, be in a good mood and have understanding for me. They should worship me, carry me through thick and thin and stand up for me. They may have no weaknesses and may never criticize me." Often we desire that the partner should be different and try to make suggestions to change them according to our ideal. Our dream of an ideal partner is not this partner. In the dream of an ideal partner our own wishes, expectations and needs are contained and fulfilled.

So how can I discover my partner's true self? This discovery is realized not by our dream of an Ideal partner, but by our conscious effort to communicate and to understand my partner. This requires a constant attempt to get to know our partner's expectations, wishes and needs. Problems often arise from the contradiction between our image of what we think the partner should be like and the living reality of how they are, i.e., how my partner really is and how their character has been formed through all of the experiences in their life. When I refuse someone the possibility to be different than my expectation, I am thinking mostly of myself, my concepts and expectations, my interests, and not of the other person. All of our relationships are influenced through the assumed concepts which we have about each other.

It is crucial that we seepast these misconceptions and recognize the person in front of us for who they really are. This means to take time to get to know the partner, instead of holding on to our misconception; to understand the partner, instead of judging them by an arbitrary personal standard; to accept the partner, instead of trying to change them. It is very important to understand that we can never change someone else. That is God's work, not mine. Only each person can determine to change him/herself. Through our partner's relationship with God, all the wonderful changes we hope for can come about. To accept this fact is an important foundation for an ongoing relationship. So that the more open and receptive we can be, the farther away from our small-minded selves we can get, the more we use our time to get involved with our partner on their terms, then the goal of accepting and understanding them will result quickly.

b) Excessive expectations

All too often the excessive expectations towards the partner are unexpressed. All these unfulfilled and unexpressed expectations eventually lead to feelings of disappointment and sooner or later result in resentment toward the partner.

Signs of inner resistance are hypersensitivity, independence, reservation, complaining, staying silent, blaming and stubbornness. The resistance increases until an internal closing-off occurs towards the partner and finally sexual indifference or refusal results.

The first stage is distance, next is isolation and finally, if the conflict is not resolved, separation occurs.

c) Old wounds from the past

Not only is it a challenge to deal with the differences of our partner and not to project unrealistic expectations upon them, but it is also a challenge not to be a victim of our own past in a way that will dominate the current relationship. Our emotional past is best served as a valuable foundation for the common future.

As soon as we enter into a parent role with our partner, we realize that we have many undigested feelings from our childhood which were unnoticed until now. In certain situations the behavior of our partner acts as a "trigger" -- recalling the same unpleasant feelings. Our reaction in this situation is often inappropriate and sometimes over-reactive in relation to what has taken place.

d) Lacking the ability to love

A fundamental cause of all conflicts is the simply lack of the ability to love. We simply cannot love ourselves in the current situation, and therefore cannot love our partner. To be human means to develop our human qualities. What makes us a human being is the ability to love. The foundation for developing the ability to love is the maturing of our personality, the perfection of our character and the growth of our heart.  Love is developed through investing our heart in all of our daily activities. In the process of our development and growth, conflict and problems arise from dealing with our personal environment. If we postpone our growth process or try to escape from our challenges, more complicated problems and conflict follow. We cannot skip the steps of growth. They offer us a task which we should solve. We need to do our "homework".

a) Using conflicts for growth

The partnership is an opportunity for permanent dialogue, and can only stay alive when we are willing to constantly learn, discover and grow. When arguments and conflict arise, it does not mean that love is no longer present. I only argue with a person who is important to me. Worst than arguments in a partnership are the deadened and suppressed emotions of indifference and resignation.

If in a relationship feelings become constantly suppressed and needs are not satisfied, this will definitely lead to arguments. The feelings will find here necessary expression in a soulful outcry. Disagreements are an intellectual debate. Arguments are an emotional confrontation. They provide a necessary valve for fear, unhappiness, desperation, aggression and suppression. The cause is mostly a desperate fear of not feeling loved and of not being permitted "to be" - the fear of suffocation.
Notice if your partner goes around sighing. Trying to get air. That is a sign of feeling unloved and suppressed.

Growth means change. Arguments are an opportunity, giving us the unmistakable sign that only through a change can further development be possible. It shows that a reflection, re-thinking and a clearing of the relationship has become necessary. These problems can not become solved through arguments, but must be worked out through contemplation.

To take the chance for growth means:
-- In the future to give your own needs and feelings, as well as those of your partners more attention, acceptance and expression. 
-- to work out solutions, which assist the development of awareness. 
-- not to go beyond certain rules in arguments (make a contract for a cultivated argument)

b) Cultivated arguments reconnects

If we learn out of arguments or conflicts and benefit through a creative process of dealing with such situation, it depends on how much involvement I invest in maturing my personality. Ideally, when we can express our feelings in peace and respectfully talk about them. When a partner becomes emotionally upset they should be allowed to express everything without interruption. Afterwards the partner should be allowed the same possibility. Through an argument our emotions can find a honest expression, which creates a foundation for a deeper understanding and finally for more intimacy.

During arguments it is important to keep certain rules, to prevent any unnecessary emotional pain. This additionally supports working out the solutions during the  contemplation. It is good to have a certain language and manner of speaking which is agreeable to both partners and shields each of them from personal accusations and emotional attacks from the other.

c) Guide for a cultivated argument

1) When you believe that your partner has done wrong, complain directly to them and not to someone else.

2) Do not criticize your partner in front of others and do not argue in the presence of the children.

3) If you need to criticize your partner, then do not compare them with others and do not refer to the opinion of others.

4) Listen completely to the complaint of your partner and do not interrupt them.

5) Criticize the behavior which the partner can really change, but do not criticize the person. i.e. "It makes me angry when you do not wash-up." Not, "you are so lazy."

6) Try to complain about one point at a time and keep to your topic.

7) If the partner acknowledges their mistake, then do not criticize them anymore.

8) Do not apologize for your critical viewpoint, but stand by your honest opinion.

9) Let your partner recognize that you have understood 
their argument.

10) Eliminate all thoughts of revenge.

11) If the partner's criticism is correct, then honestly admit it, validate your partner.

12) Show your readiness to forgive and to forget.

13) When differences cause conflicts, also search for common points.

14) Do not lose yourself in vague accusation.

15) Do not hatefully expose your partner's sensitive points.

16) Make effort to respond to the inappropriate reaction of your partner with understanding and patience.

17) Give the partner the chance to "save their face".

18) Do not suppress the arguments through silent fuming or polite cheeriness.

19) Consider whether the partner is able to digest the arguments psychically. Do not scar your partner's spirit.

20) Formulate your wishes positively and clearly.

Contemplation after an argument is essentially important. Contemplation means, to sit together in peace, to reflect and to talk over what has happened. We need to analyze the statements, the problems and the criticism which arose during the argument.

Before we can begin to work out a solution, we need to give our emotions plenty of space. If there is no space to speak honestly in a trusting atmosphere, the undigested pain will be suppressed and hidden in the unconsciousness, only to reoccur later, causing strong reactions and new arguments. Feelings want to be accepted, acknowledged, expressed and understood. When our feelings are hurt, we need to receive love to heal them. This is encouraged through an honest interest in our partner and the willingness to empathize with them and to understand them internally.

Love is our common desire to spend each moment together and to stay always and forever true to each other - who doesn't know this feeling and yearning at the beginning of a partnership.

Love is the foundation of a happy life together. Love is the foundation of every happy relationship. Each couple desires that their relationship is filled with love. What is the secret to keeping the flames of love burning in our partnership?

Love is not a luxury just for nice people with soft characters. Love is not like freckles, which one has and the other not. Love doesn't appear before us automatically. Love is the result of conscientious investment towards becoming a loving person.

The potential of love is established in each of us, but it does not develop automatically. It needs our own portion of responsibility and self- motivated investment. Every one desires happiness, joy, a fulfilled life, inner freedom, independence and self-confidence. These are the fruits from the development of our inner potential, our spiritual life. The essence of our personal growth is the development of our heart and ability to love.

If we are able to love, we can manifest tolerance, sincerity, goodwill, understanding, acceptance and readiness to help others -- all from the heart.

A committed partnership is a great chance to develop our loving capability, because it creates the ideal circumstances in which it can mature.

In the committed partnership we are constantly confronted with our feelings, our strengths and weaknesses, with our whole personality. Our relationship to another gives us again and again the new possibility to enlarge our boundaries and to grow. When a partnership does not any longer afford a common ground for spiritual growth, then love will die.

A committed partnership offers a big chance to grow into a mature, whole and round person; to remove our "masks to the world" and to stop pretending, a chance to become an authentic and loving person.  It is a challenge to totally invest ourselves in this kind of relationship with another person. The partnership offers an opportunity to join together, to discover our true identity and to become a loving person.

A loving relationship is fluctuating and changing. Let's compare it with the four seasons.

Spring
"Falling in love" is comparable to spring. When we "fall in love," we have a feeling that our happiness can never end. We cannot imagine that we will ever lose this magical love we feel towards our partner. Our partner seems to be our perfect compliment and we can manage everything easily. We discover and experience completely new feelings. We feel as if we are one with another; we have big plans and expectations, and our life has received a new purpose because of this relationship.

Summer
During the "summer of our love" we begin to notice that our partner is not so perfect as we thought in the beginning. It is now time to take stock and begin to work at the relationship. It is not that easy any longer to simply give love and to receive it. In the summer of love we have to learn to take care of the needs of our partner and as well to take responsibility for our own needs and longings.

Autumn
When we tend to the garden during the summer of love, we can reap a rich harvest in the autumn. We experience a matured love. We have grown together, and our love has become deeper. We now feel thankfulness for the support of the other person, which we are able to receive in spite of our imperfection.

Winter
During the partnership each one needs individual time for reflection and for an internal renewal. We learn to understand and to accept our own pain and imperfection. During the process of retreat and self- development, a new spring begins and we can fall in love all over again with a deep understanding of our partner. Through the growth which each partner gains during this internal "winter time" the relationship evolves to a higher level. If it should become clear that our partner does not correspond to our concepts, a feeling of disappointment and doubt - if we have chosen the right partner - can follow. These feelings make it difficult for us to accept our partner.

During these periods of internal time, we can grow the capacity of our ability to love. We can see to what degree we are able to fulfill the foundation for unconditional love, a pledge we made to each other at the beginning during the "springtime of true love". If we do not conclude at the beginning to always continue on the way of true love, our relationship will become either boring or burdened with conflicts, and will be in danger to end in separation.

Love does not have a chance to blossom when we do not take responsibility for our feelings of disappointment. So long as I make my partner responsible for my happiness, I will give him or her also the responsibility for my unhappiness. I will be giving my partner power over my life by holding him/her responsible for my personal happiness. In my unhappiness, I may treat my partner unlovingly and then make him/her guilty for my frustrations. The cycle of accusation, blame, threat, and
withdrawal with the attempt to change the partner are clear signs that we are trying to make them guilty. We are avoiding our own portion of responsibility to become wholesome in the partnership.

A reflection about our attitude is now necessary. To accept responsibility means to avoid demanding from my partner that they accommodate all of my wishes, forcing my partner into serving me first. We must learn to express desires clearly and objectively, not holding the partner by the throat and making them do what we want! It means also to allow negative emotions like anger, sadness and fear enough space to be expressed and accepted. By learning to express them respectfully we may be surprised to discover that our partner has experienced similar feelings. If we take a position to accept each other as we are, instead of attempting to change our partner, then loving emotions have a chance to come again as in the beginning of our relationship.

During the time period corresponding to the winter, it is important to accept and love ourselves whether our partner is available or not. The statement: "Love your neighbor as yourself", is more represented by the statement: "Love your neighbor as you are able to love yourself". This wonderful spiritual rule is guidance for a harmonious and loving partnership. When I treat my own feelings and needs rightly and lovingly, then I can realize self-respect, self-trust, satisfaction and inner freedom. It is not difficult then to give the same love and qualities to my spouse, becoming sincere, well-disposed, fair, helpful, tolerant and communicative. These qualities open the way for a loving relationship.

On the way to developing our individuality we are often inclined to demand that the satisfaction of our needs come from our partner. When we search for the missing strength and elements of happiness for our partnership in ourselves, we no longer demand that our partner supply them alone.

A really profound partnership can only be built between two mature and independent people. Two beings who do not attempt to change the other based on their individual concepts, and who are able to give mutual emotional support to each other. At the same time, have the capacity to permit, support and take delight in the other partner's individuality. Original human beings are beautiful, clones are boring.

When I begin to respect the needs of my partner - such as trust, care, acceptance, understanding, appreciation, etc. as my own and attempt to satisfy them in my own unique way, my own personal development is served. At the same time I allow my partner to care for my needs and feelings, receiving love not only internally from healthy self-esteem, but externally from give and take in a committed relationship.

The courage to be yourself means to allow that we have different interests and hobbies and do not evaluate it as a lack of love when we do not agree on the same point of view. It is healthy that we give a space for each one to enjoy their own hobbies and interests. Partnership means to have equal rights, which means that one should take the natural interests and gifted abilities of the other partner seriously, finding creative ways to support each other's needs. This could be practiced by giving special appreciation to the unique talents or outstanding abilities of our partner and to assist in the development of them. It is even more wonderful to join each other and share the pleasure of each other's interests.

The facts prove that when young marriages end early in divorce, the couples could not develop a sense of togetherness, an intimacy, and a sense of freedom in responsibility. By growing and developing into an adult, we go through various phases. As a child we go through the phase of dependence. We depend on our parents and caretakers exclusively, and are focused primary on ourselves and our small world. If in this phase we receive emotional satisfaction and guidance into the larger world through a loving way, then we have a good foundation to go through the next phase.

This is the phase of independence, breaking away from childlike behavior and dependency. It is a period of self-discovery. In this phase if we also experience enough support and understanding from others, then we have a good foundation to strengthen our character and our personality. We are ready to go to the next stage, to join with a partner in love, freedom and responsibility. If we do not go through the maturing process in the phases of dependence and independence, then the danger exists that we may permanently over-emphasize our own will and goals, without integrating the goals of our partner. Not being generous to the partner and a lack of interest in common tasks, creates separation and distance.

Stable relationships cannot be built on the sacrifice of a partner. On the other hand, togetherness does not mean that two people do everything according to the desires and will of one partner. The guarantee for a stable and fulfilled partnership does not depend on how much we think that we have found the suitable partner but more in how much we succeed in serving our partnership to create togetherness and mature together in love.

Togetherness can actually come into being through sharing. Sharing love from mutual ideals, from mutual visions, from mutual values and from mutual tasks. When we establish a partnership not as a superficial advancement, it can reward us with answers of existential questions of life, which we alone are not able to answer.

We are here to love. When we are not loved, we also do not love another and are unable find the answers to important questions of life. Togetherness is developed through a conscious confrontation with the partner, through respecting and being aware that each one is involved in the inner process towards growth.

Closeness, trust and intimacy are the fruits of such a conscious intended relationship. Strong intimate closeness with each other means that the welfare and the pain or grief of our partner also lies in our heart. This means that I act on behalf of my partner, to make effort to keep away the pain or grief from my partner and to support their well-being without interfering with their own responsibility, without hurting their dignity of self-reliance.

Personal growth depends on our commitment to an everlasting relationship. Children cannot grow to develop trust and reach personal maturity in an atmosphere of deception. Also the blossoming of love in a partnership depends on the ability to commit yourself.

Love and loyalty require a reciprocal relationship. It is not love alone, which holds the partnership together, but an integrated relationship that gives love a space through which it can mature to completion. We can only commit ourselves to handle the relationship when we remain true to our own ideals and self-promises. Marital love and loyalty strengthen and protect our togetherness, which we have created. Loyalty makes our partnership unique and dignified.

To go the way of love requires a genuine attitude of giving unconditional love and can not be restricted to the relationship of the partner. Loving your partner does not diminish the love for humanity, but is actually an important building brick on the way to loving everyone. Making the decision to love others is not divisible. It is intended to bestow the qualities of caring, compassion and goodwill - in an appropriate way - to all creatures and things on earth. Such love is given unconditionally, without demanding or expecting a response beyond enjoyment of beauty. From offering such love springs the sense of intimacy and security. Unconditional love means respecting the personality and uniqueness of our partner and supporting their maturing process with patience, forgiving them their mistakes. Love encourages openness to learn from each other, as well as gratitude for all that comes our way. To love unconditionally requires us to recognize the image of God in others and to respect each being, as well as believing in your own ability to love yourself and to work on your development.

Love develops in the quiet acceptance of the truth that we are born to love and to be loved. Through daily meditation we can connect to the universal source of life. This feeling of oneness with all life allows true love to thrive within us. Whoever finds themselves in this state of love and goodwill to mankind, is able to truly become a loving person. When we find ourselves in a higher spiritual vibration, in another level of consciousness, in total harmony with ourselves we have the feeling of deep inner peace. God's blessing can then rest upon our marriages and upon our life.