In this condition I had many different reasons to struggle internally and externally. Our team first became smaller and smaller. But I came to think about it. If all of the team had to go for some reason what would be left? I asked myself. And the answer is so clear. Only God, True Parents and myself. No matter what happens in my life Heavenly Father and True Parents will always be here. After this became so clear in my life I became much more serious about what I am actually doing here and what I want to accomplish on STF. After I realized that, I could easily say good-bye to the next team member who left because I set my priorities clearly.

My first "meeting" with True Parents was actually when I was unable to go out. In one of our "Handicapped-HDH"—reading HDH all day long instead of fr—sessions we read about True Parents' life. He was tortured in the prison and how the communists threw Him outside into the prison yard into the snow because they thought He was dead. I imagined what I would feel like if somebody did this to my physical father (whom I love so deeply), if someone beats him to death and threw him into the snow like a piece of wood. True Father and True Mother have been sacrificed so many times, constantly for the sake of the world and also for MY sake. I felt that so deeply and since that time I feel much more serious and responsible for my mission. That is why I struggled so much with my (dear, dear beloved) team leader would not let me go FR because of some physical shortcomings. Now I feel in my heart that True Parents are my real True Parents, this has a totally new meaning for me. Without True Parents I would not even exist.

One experience where I felt God so deeply was when I was fr a few hours in the morning but I felt so sick that I called my team leader if she could pick me up. My special challenge and concept at that time were construction workers. During the run I passed a house full of construction workers I was going to skip this place as usual but God gave me so much that morning I just had to go there. I asked all of them walking around the house, into the house, what no normal person would do because it was completely "Under Construction". I asked everybody there they were talking something in French I could not really understand but they kind of made fun of me or were just joking around about the little girl coming into a totally destroyed house trying to sell animals to construction workers which is kind of crazy. However I was waiting for pick-up at a restaurant and two of that guys passed and I waved at them. Later two more of them passed to have lunch there. After some time the first two guys came out, fooled around a bit in the playground and one of them suddenly decided to buy my most expensive product and he even gave an extra donation. After that the other two guys came out and one of them gave me a lollypop. He spent money for me. I could have just thought that these guys are very nice buying from me and giving me even more and this kind of thing happens so often to others. BUT I felt Godvs love so strongly and I truly wanted to share this with other people. I realised that it does not matter what we do / what we do not do God always wants to give unconditionally and limitlessly. God is always with us, we just need to be aware of it and also be able to receive love. That was when I met God.

But the place where I had my meetings with God most likely was actually in the van after an exhausting day of fr when the whole team was sitting in the van, after everybody reported how they struggled, how they would overcome, how they experienced God, how they tried to experience God, how they tried to feel God more deeply, how they were desperate, how they brought victory, how they felt sorry for not being able to do better. This time was always so precious to me. If we really invest until the end for our Heavenly Father and True Parents, this is so precious for God and He is so happy and proud to have such children, who want to help Him in His work, who want to comfort Him.

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