Who is God? What is He like? What does He do? Everybody is curious about the nature of Heavenly Father. All my life I tried to understand Him and, arriving on STF, I wanted to find out more about God. However, right away we were sent on a 21-day fundraising condition. Huh? How was I supposed to find God by selling sun-catchers and wind-chimes? I had never understood the meaning of fundraising. My father was an MFT commander and some nights he still goes out to sell roses. Why?

Many times I wondered if God would ever teach me anything, but eventually that day came. I remember it clearly, for it happened on my birthday - September 12th.

It was a Saturday, so I went to a lot of houses. However, nobody seemed to be home on that particular day On the second run, I went through five blocks, but I only talked to three or four people Where were the people that God had supposedly prepared? I was gating deeply frustrated, so I sat on the curb and yelled to God, "Where are the people you have sent? If the next person doesn't buy one, I'm going to find a store and space-out (rdax)!"

I opened my eyes and dragged myself to the next house. I was grateful enough that somebody answered the door, but when she agreed to buy one, my body shook. God not only listened, but answered and told me to keep going. I trudged along, but once again most people were not home. I was getting frustrated. However, I caught sight of someone in his driveway, so I quickly ran up to him. He turned out to be a cop, and he was quite nice and polite.

After a nice conversation, I asked if he'd be interested in a sun-catcher. He declined by saying, "No, times are so bad right now, I need every dime I can get."

I had heard this many times before, so I quickly asked for a donation. I might have been rude in the way I asked, bemuse he totally exploded. His face literally turned red, and he was like a loose cannon, spitting foul language an over the place. What did I do wrong?

I apologized end went to the next house. There, a five-year old was playing on his front lawn. I asked if I could speak with his parents, and he invited me inside, offering me cookies and drinks. The parents did not buy, but I was moved by this little boy. Here was an innocent child who didn't even know who I was, trusting and inviting a stranger into his house. On the other hand, a full grown man who knew what I was doing threw me out like a piece of garbage. At that moment, I felt a strong pang of loneliness inside my heart, and realized that God must feel the same way.

Many lecturers and even the Divine Principle book says that God has been lonely and suffering for six thousand years, but I couldn't feel His heart until I actually experienced it myself. Jesus and True Father must have felt this way as well. Jesus was denied by his own family, and the only people he could talk to were carpenters, fishermen, and prostitutes. True Father, himself, has lived nearly eighty years with persecution and denial. I felt so lonely and burst into tears. However, God was again telling me to keep going. I wanted to just sit down and cry, but after sitting for a few seconds, there came a swarm of mosquitoes attacking my legs (I was wearing shorts, no socks, and sandals.) So I began walking and crying at the same time.

After I was able to hold back the rush of tears, I knocked on a few more doors. They all rejected me. Each time, I felt God, who is looking for even just one parson to listen, being thrown out. One person rejected me pretty harshly, and after I walked off his lawn, I turned around and saw him joking with his friends. How lonely God must be. All he can do is watch, when he too wants to be a part of their lives.

After this experience, instead of wondering what God was like, I tried to figure out how I could comfort God. In a sense, how can we all become sons and daughters of God? Through STF, I really hope to inherit True Parents tradition, and reach my fullest potential.

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