Hello everyone, I wanted to comment on this point and some of the things I say are a paraphrase of things I heard Father say, some of them are paraphrases of things Rev. Sudo and Rev. Won Pil Kim said, and some are paraphrase of things I heard from others. Sorry, not very original but...

In early 1974 Father was on his second Day of Hope Tour. When he visited NH, he stayed over night. The next morning after his speech, members were gathered in the living room (plus one Christian minister who was positive). Father gave the minister several signed books, including the Divine Principle, personally. After some give and take on various things, Father asked if there were any questions that brothers and sisters would like to ask him. One question that was asked of Father was about how to raise spiritual children. At that time he spoke for perhaps a half-hour on this one question. I would like to share the few key points as I remember them. Most of the give and take at that time, unfortunately, I don't remember. I was VERY young and so excited that MY True Father was there with us and speaking to us so personally... Anyway, I do know a little of what he said because a Japanese sister recorded the session and several years later I chanced to have the opportunity to hear the tape. He spoke about the heart that we need in order to give life to another. He said we should long for that person so much, that we shed tears for that person in prayer. He said that if we could love that person so much with such a heart, they will have to come. Without their understanding why, they will come. Father said that we should pray with such a heart for 40 days for that person. If we have that heart, and IF we pray that way for 40 days, that person has to join. He said that if that person doesn't come, all of their spiritual merit will come to the person who invested their tears and prayers for that person and that God could send someone else in that person's place. He really emphasized the internal heart with such intensity and depth. I have personally found that to meet that level of heart and then to consistently maintain it is so difficult. Isn't this true for others, too? When I ask myself if I have really done that, I have to shamefully admit that I haven't.

At another time, I was reading Father's speeches and he spoke about prayer specifically. He said that it is so important that there should be someone in our center praying 24 hours a day. He said to rotate members so that that could be done. He also said that if we couldn't do that because we were too few in number, then record prayer and play it over and over again. I don't think that we actually carried that direction out either. But I think that this applies to our homes too. That speech was before there were so many families so he spoke about the church centers. I could never forget those words. After I came to Japan, we got a cassette recorder that had continuous play and I really wanted to do that. Also for a brief period, my sweetheart was responsible for the local Buddhist organization called Tenchi Seikyo. At the dojo, they played holy music all of the time. I remember the atmosphere in that room where prayer was so deep and often and the Holy Song background music was constant. It was so high and pure. One could almost feel it with one's skin. And I remember the atmosphere in the prayer rooms of some church centers where the foundation laid through prayer had been built. It still is alive in my heart and mind. Needless to say, the recorder we bought was expensive and my rowdy boys broke it and so playing Holy Songs and prayer didn't last but...I still want to practice that.

I feel that the internal heart and the foundation of prayer are so important. Rev. Sudo spoke to us many years ago and he talked about prayer in great detail. He spoke about how we have to go through the Cain level spiritual world, then the able spiritual world and then we could finally touch God. He also spoke that it was sort of like being at a pond. You throw in a stone and it falls to the bottom. At that time, you can't see the stone as it is at the bottom of the pond. When you add stone upon stone, a pile will be made in the water and eventually the pile will breakthrough the surface of the pond and you will see it. He explained to us that prayer and indemnity are like that. We don't see the result but eventually, the foundation will grow and the result will come. That heartistic foundation never goes away.

I also heard and read many years ago that the first three years or so after coming to the church, we stand on the merit of our good ancestors.

After that, we have to lead the way for them, instead and the reason is that in the past, when Jesus was on the earth, no one attended him beyond that 3year public ministry. From that point, we are pioneering a way that had been untrodden. It was pointed out that often brothers and sisters at about that point hit a kind of crisis and many can't go over that point. I am sorry that I don't remember where I heard that. Also in the Divine Principle there is a place that talks about indemnity and again I will paraphrase. It says that when a person is to go to a new level or sphere of merit or responsibility, always a big trial will come. It sometimes occurs before that person receives that blessing, sometimes after, sometimes both before and after. The reason has to do with fallen man being in the midway position where both God and Satan have a claim on him. If God give blessing unconditionally, Satan can protest and work. The person has to pay indemnity for their own sins or that of their ancestors or their race so they can be claimed by God. Also the Principle speaks very clearly about exactly how indemnity is paid. It speaks about being attacked either directly or indirectly by the evil spiritual world and about enduring that with a grateful heart...personally this point is where I don't get victory. Even though I know what is going on, I realize that my level of heart and my ability to overcome the emotional struggles hasn't been enough yet. Usually, all I can do is just endure. I suspect that I am not the only one.

From these experiences I have drawn the conclusion that it is VITAL to constantly educate myself and the spiritual beings who are around me. Otherwise, I will die. Another experience that I feel a need to share is again, when I was a very young member. I came through very strong spiritual guidance and push. I am so grateful that I could receive a lot of education as it is my lifeline. One of my physical brothers also came to the church and joined, twice. He came on a foundation from ancestral merit and indemnity conditions that I laid for him and probably that other members at that time laid. But he had many evil spiritual influences attacking and controlling him, too and he couldn't stay. There was some spiritual block to his being able to hear and understand . It was so strong as to be almost tangible. Since he couldn't take his portion of responsibility and make his own personal indemnity conditions and no one could constantly take care of him, he couldn't continue. I could learn that just to receive the merit of others is not enough. I have to make my own conditions, little by little.

Many people came and joined and later fell away. In part, this is one big factor, in my own opinion. Another is that we didn't and or couldn't love them with the same standard of heart as Heavenly Father and True Parents. And we didn't teach them HOW to survive regardless of the trials. We couldn't help them to make their own foundation and personal, heartistic connection with Heaven. We didn't teach them to connect their struggles to God. We weren't and maybe aren't matured enough to do that and we have often been controlled by our own fallen natures and through that, spiritually killed others. I don't think that that was usually intentional. Though in some cases...So we need very deep repentance about this point.

Often the demands that we are trying to meet are so great in terms of sphere time and manpower that we just haven't been enough to go around. And True Father himself has also spoken about our growth (personal) and likened it to a person who is to become a doctor. He spoke about how patients are in a sense sacrificed by the young and inexperienced and immature doctor and that only after years of effort can an excellent doctor result. And he emphasized that we have to be grateful to those who ere sacrificed for us to grow. We have to know it is because of others that I can be where I am, not just by my own greatness or whatever. Without understanding that, is it any wonder that so many people can't remain and go the path of restoration? If we keep killing so many people that Heaven worked so hard to bring, how can heaven trust us and continue to bring others just to see them spiritually murdered? Father didn't say this last bit, it is my own opinion and disgrace, too.

I have to say also that I experienced personally another important point. Upon first hearing the Principle I understood some important things. I thought I understood more than I really did. Upon later re-reading I came to understand some new point(s). After more indemnity was paid, I could receive more. After more difficulties and after growing up a little more, I could gradually understand more. I am still on the way and can't say I understand and practice and embody everything yet, it seems to be a process that will continue on maybe forever. We need to know and understand that growth and understanding are not sudden and stagnant and an ending thing. Also we need to try to connect all of our experiences in our life to the learning process. Nothing is ever really lost or wasted if I can find the way to use and incorporate it, centering on God and True Parents. By the way, next time you see me struggling in hell and being defeated, please remind me of these things as I always forget.

Sorry that this is so long but I really feel I am supposed to share these things with all of you and at the same time, perhaps Heavenly Father is reminding me through this long winded letter. One thing is certain, the credit is due to many many others, especially Heavenly Father and True Parents. And I wasn't given the experiences I could have just for myself but they are supposed to be for others. Unfortunately, I haven't used them for others nearly enough.

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