The Words of the Morey Family
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The Words of the Morey Family |
Betty
with the "mamas" in Zaire
I grew up as a Presbyterian in Lakewood, Ohio, a suburb of Cleveland. Actually, my parents were lukewarm about their faith; I was the one who went to church. I found a peace there and a happiness that I didn't find at home or at school.
I became serious about God and developed a relationship with Jesus that was very close; I prayed to him with my deepest thoughts. I remember going to Presbyterian conferences in the summer at Wooster College. In the mornings we would go out on the beautiful campus and each find our own prayer spot; then for 15 or 20 minutes we would pray. This had deep meaning for me. I feel that my relationship with Jesus was a foundation for me to later join the Unification Church.
At one point I felt I was being pushed toward being a missionary, but then I got involved in music and eventually went to Baldwin Wallace Conservatory. I majored in violin and minored in voice. Then I got married and had two children.
My husband and I raised our children in the Presbyterian faith, and we were all church goers. I'm grateful that my kids had that kind of upbringing. I felt that my son would have been the more likely of my kids to join a group like the Unification Church because he was always deeply moved at our church conferences and other events. My daughter Gail was the rebel. She kept asking the ministers questions they couldn't answer. She finally gave up on them. By high school, she was off on her own thing.
She had a set of friends that I wasn't too happy about and did some things I wasn't happy about either. Finally, she got involved with some people into the Ayn Rand philosophy. There are some good things about it, but I feel the people are very cold, without much heart. Many times after some interaction with my daughter I would go into my bedroom and just cry. I felt a cold wind blowing from Gail. We just couldn't really talk, and our relationship suffered.
Then she went off to college. She was majoring in flute at Ohio State University in Columbus in 1973 when I began getting letters from her telling me she was getting up at five in the morning, riding her bicycle over to a church center, and praying with the people there. "Oh boy," I thought. "What is happening?" When she came for a weekend, I noticed a big difference in her. We were able to talk, and she would listen! I felt positive before I even knew anything about the church. Later she wrote home and said she had quit college and was working full-time with this church. I thought I had better go right down there and find out what this was all about!
I went to the center in Columbus, and I couldn't find anything wrong with the church at all. In fact, I thought it was something I should also challenge myself with. The church had a very broad and all- encompassing philosophy that I knew would affect the whole world, to say nothing of my daughter's life and my own life.
Actually, I was sold before I even heard the Principle because I saw it had such a positive effect on Gail. I had been worried that if she didn't change, we would never be close. My husband knew already that this movement was something I would embrace. He reminded me that I used to always say that the only way any progress could be made in the world was through the unity of a group of people who believed in God.
I didn't jump in right away. First I studied the Divine Principle book every morning. I had just finished nursing school and gotten an RN degree, but for some reason, I wasn't concerned about looking for a job, because I was studying this book every morning. Every time I opened the book I felt a flood of goal, clean, pure feelings. I know I had a lot of spiritual help.
It was in June or July that I first heard Principle lectures, and the following December I decided to be a full-time member. I was definitely hoping that my husband would also become excited by the Principle. He is a lawyer and an intellectual, so I would leave Unification Thought and copies of Father's speeches around for him to read -- anything I thought he could unite with. He even went through a workshop, but he just couldn't accept the church at all.
When my family broke apart, I felt lost, so I asked God, "What do You want me to do now?" I got a clear direction: "Move into the center." So in February, I moved into the Columbus center where my daughter was. At first it was very difficult for me -- and for the brothers and sisters because I was an unusual member. But Susan Finnegan (later Fefferman) put her arms around me and comforted me. I owe a lot to her and to Chris Olson, the center director, for the incredible patience and love they showed me.
Gradually my relationship with Gail got better and better. She is more of a heartistic person than I am, so I think in some ways it was easier for her to join. I am so grateful to her, of course for bringing me in, but also because if I had troubles, I would always know she was there. To me it felt wonderful to have the role of "parent" a bit reversed. I think every parent would like to be led by their children; they would want their children to be that great and that good. At least I feel that way.
My first real mission was at the blessed children's nursery at Jacob House, which was wonderful for me and I hope for the kids. I was moved by the dedication of their mothers, who were working so hard for Heavenly Father's sake, and I felt a deep commitment to consider those children as my own. This mission was especially good for me because my heart was hurting when I went there. You hold babies and their love just comes right through their cells somehow. It was a beautiful experience.
I became really close to the children I cared for, and we still maintain a relationship. It was hard work, but it certainly was worth it. I got a big return of love.
Breakfast
with the brothers and sisters at the center in Nairobi, Kenya.
During that time, Gail became a missionary to Zimbabwe, and later to Zaire. She asked Rev. Kwak if I could come to Africa and join her. He said yes, so I joined her in Zaire. Later she was called to Kenya, and eventually I joined her there. When she went back to America to join her husband, I remained in Kenya. Altogether I stayed in Africa about five years.
In Zaire I was in charge of the "mamas' group," which was very inspiring for me. The mamas are the women who joined the church with young children. In Africa it is very unusual to find a young woman who doesn't have children. "Mama" is a term of respect; you don't fool around with someone who is a mama. I was known as Mama Betty. The mamas worked very hard. They were warmhearted and quite spiritual, and they often had visions and revelations. I loved them very much. Every week we had a mama's meeting, and I gave internal guidance to the group. If anyone had a special situation, I'd make an appointment and we'd talk.
I came back to America briefly when Gail's first child Lucas was born, and when her daughter Rachel was born, I came back again and stayed. Rev. Kwak asked me to help in his office. After working there for a year, I began to work in the Performing Arts Department, where I am now.
I think Heavenly Father helped me learn about unconditional love when I was in Africa. One time in Nairobi, Kenya, a young member asked me to come with him to visit his uncles, who lived way out in the bush, and try to convince them to let him join the church full time. They didn't want him to be a full-time member because they were hoping he would get a good job in Nairobi and help support them. It's very difficult for young people to be full-time members, because often their families are counting on them for support. So another member and I went with this brother to talk to the uncles. They received me well and were very polite, and I did the best I could in explaining to them that joining the church full time was the right thing for the boy to do. When I left, they seemed very positive, and I was glad I made the effort to go all the way out there.
But the next week the brother came back and told me, 'After you left, my uncles became negative and said I couldn't join!' I felt completely deflated. I wondered, "What did I go all the way out there for?" I began to feel so useless. I thought, "What am I doing here in Africa? I might as well go back to America if I can't bring people to True Parents here"
At
Jacob House in 1980, Betty receives an award from Mrs. Mal Sook Lee
as "Onni of the Year."
Another frustrating situation involved a sister in the center who treated me unkindly. I decided to serve her with everything I had, but even though I gave her gifts and tried to pour out my heart, there was no improvement in our relationship. I often felt the members weren't responding to me when I tried to be in the position of a mama. When I left Kenya, I felt, "I failed in Africa. What did I really accomplish here? I wasn't able to give enough love."
However, surprisingly, when I got back to America, I received a very effusive letter from this sister, saying how much it meant to her to know me and how much she learned from me. I almost fell off my chair! It made me realize that unconditional love really has to be unconditional -- you have to pour yourself out regardless of the lack of response or even the negative response you seem to be getting back. You have to just know that someday -- maybe not till you get to the spirit world, but someday -- something will happen. We shouldn't become resentful or frustrated when we don't get something back, because if we do, we can't continue to work effectively. I think that's what I learned in Africa. Actually, the problems are the same wherever you are. It's just that in a foreign country they are more intense because you feel more alone.
Lately I'm beginning to make more relationships with other older women in the church. We've started a trinity of older women and we pray together every night. It's really been helpful, because in some ways, it's a little lonely for us -- we see the young people getting blessed and having blessed children, and so many of Father's speeches and church events are geared to that reality. In our little group we want to find ways of sharing more with each other and with other brothers and sisters. I've found that people have been coming to me as a kind of "mama;' and I'm very happy about that.
In Nairobi, we started a parents' group for the parents of the brothers and sisters who were living in the center. I shared with them my own testimony and spoke to each parent individually. I think it was very helpful for them. I would be very glad to be involved in such a group here in New York.
My advice for members in their relationship with their parents is: Really show them how you've changed and become a more loving and understanding person. That's what affected me first. The other thing is to write to your parents, pour out your heart, let them know what you are doing and why you are doing it. Over a period of time that could really make an impact. Many times there are things you can say in letters to your parents that would be very difficult to say face-to-face. Then each time you are able to be with them, you will find that you can be closer.
The
missionaries in Zaire. Left to right: Justin Fleishman, Annette
Kangafotso, Kathy Novalis, Gail Morey Paine, and Betty Morey.
Many of the highlights of my spiritual life have come through my singing. I feel the spirit world is closer to me then than at any other time. Before I joined the Unification Church, I had an experience of deep repentance while singing. I had just sung the song "0 Divine Redeemer" at a church, and I got quite involved in it emotionally. When I sat down, I really repented profoundly to Heavenly Father and asked for His forgiveness. And He came to me! It was just for a few seconds, but I'll never forget it, because it was a milestone in my spiritual life. Along with it came the feeling that He was saying, "Don't be so impatient with yourself. You are growing" What amazed me was that His presence was so physical. Every part of my entire body felt happy, as if each cell were being embraced. I know that when once we repent deeply, whatever our problem is, Heavenly Father takes us right by the hand. Then the restoration is easy because He's right with you, showing you the way and helping you over the hard spots.
Actually, before I joined the church I sang for True Parents when they came to Cincinnati for a public- speaking tour. I was scheduled to sing on the evening of the third lecture, just before Father spoke. I was terribly nervous. When I got up to sing my heart was pounding, and I thought, "What's wrong with me? I'm a professional church singer!" I get excited when I sing, but not like that. So I started to sing, but I didn't feel I was doing my best vocally. However, toward the end of the song, I felt like I was talking to Handel, the composer of the piece. Linda Remmell, my accompanist, and I had had different opinions about the rhythm of the song. I thought it should be smoother and had explained to her why, so we decided to do it my way. As I was singing, Handel was telling me, "Yes, I see your point." Afterwards we all went to McDonald's. Dr. Bo Hi Pak introduced us to Father and said to everybody, "Did you all realize the spiritual quality of that song?" I felt sure that Father was aware of what had happened much more than I.
I've been quite a private person, but now I am trying to push myself out of myself more. I find that it is more difficult for older people to adjust to the quick changes that often happen in our centers. I'll never forget one time in Ohio when Chris Olson, at 11 o'clock at night, suddenly announced that the sisters should sleep on the third floor instead of the second floor. A young person wouldn't be too bothered by that, but at 11 pm it was very hard for me to take all my belongings that I had so carefully arranged around my bed and set them up someplace else.
However, by no means do I regret having joined. My conviction is stronger than ever that True Parents are the answer. I know it more every year. A lot of my relatives and friends still think I'm crazy and wonder why I am still in this "strange" movement. I just tell them, "I believe in this church now more than ever."
I would really like to see America turn around and recognize who True Parents are. I am very happy to do whatever I can do to promote that, for example, through singing in churches in my home church area, as I am doing now. I hope that through this, I can touch people' lives with God's love and really offer something substantial to Heavenly Father and True Parents.
Gail
and Betty perform a duet for a music program at a Catholic church in
Kinshasa, Zaire.
I joined the Unification Church because I was seeking clear answers to many questions I had about God and the purpose of life. In high school I became dissatisfied with the doctrine of traditional Christianity; I searched through all sorts of philosophies and religions, reading books by people like Herman Hesse, Sartre, and Camus, gradually becoming increasingly arrogant, individualistic, and atheistic. The relationship between my mother and me broke down, because I perceived her disdainfully as having what I called "blind faith" -- believing in Christianity without any logical basis. Because my mother couldn't explain her reasons for believing as she did, I lost respect for whatever she said.
When I finally joined the Unification Church in Columbus, Ohio, I felt my mother would be overjoyed, because up until that time, I had shocked her by telling her I didn't believe in God, Jesus, or the Bible. As I came to understand the Principle, I gained much more respect for her. That she had been able to follow God's truth even without a rational explanation became an admirable quality in my eyes. I gained a new appreciation for her pure heart of love for God and Jesus and for her faithfulness.
I had been a "hippie" in college, always wearing overalls and army boots. The first time I came home after joining the church, I came in a dress, which wasn't even mini-length, though that was the style then. The first thing my father said to me was, "Well, you must believe this guy's the Messiah!" At that time, in 1973, there was no publicity about Rev. Moon, though my parents knew the group I joined had a founder. Shocked, I asked my dad why he said that. He replied, "Anyone who could cause you to change 180 degrees must be the Messiah!"
About two months later, my mother came to hear a weekend workshop, and at the end she said to me rather angrily, "Look what you're getting me into -- now I have to pray and study to see if it's right!" She realized that this movement wasn't just something good for me but that it might actually be something that she -- and even the rest of the world -- needed to take very seriously.
She took a Divine Principle book home with her and very diligently read the entire thing, checking every Bible quote carefully. She didn't believe in Satan, so she decided to go talk to her minister about it. However, when she arrived at the church to speak to him, she was struck with some sort of ailment that prevented her from talking. As soon as she left, she was fine. Afterwards she called me and told me that she now believed in Satan! We talked often on the phone. Whenever I asked her if she could accept True Parents, she would reply that she had to study and pray more before making any decisions.
Then, around Christmas time, True Father came to speak in Ohio, and my mother sang one evening before he spoke. While singing, she told me she had a spiritual experience. Afterwards, on Christmas Day, as a gift she gave me her filled-out Unification Church membership form, including the membership fee, rolled up and tied with a ribbon!
Though my father also heard some lectures and felt they and the group were beneficial, he couldn't embrace the movement. As my mother became increasingly involved, longstanding difficulties in their relationship surfaced. Of course she felt torn between her two "families." My mother asked God what He wanted her to do, and when she received the answer -- to move into the center -- she faithfully did that, even though the break-up in our family was very painful to her. My brother also really appreciated the Principle, but just at that time he was offered his "dream" job and chose to take it rather than investigate the Principle more. Previously, I had been much closer to my father, while my brother was closer to my mother. Adjusting to all the changes was not easy for any of us.
At first, when my mother moved into the center, our relationship was rather awkward, and we went through a lot of restoration. Now we have a very close, warm, and mutually supportive relationship. She's a very hard worker and always did her best to participate in all the center activities. Caring for the children at Jacob I louse -- being needed and being able to give love to the children -- helped heal her own heart.
I went to Africa as a missionary, and I loved working with the people there so much that I wanted my mother to come as well. I knew she would appreciate their warmth and would be happy to respond to the very great need there. I did worry about her health, and I prayed to take on myself anything she might get. It was amazing, because she was never sick, but I suffered from malaria, amoebas, and worms. She spent 50 percent of her time nursing me! Her commitment to True Parents deepened considerably while she was in Africa.
She was always so optimistic and bright -- everyone was enriched by having someone of her age, experience, and warmth around them. She did an amazing job with the "mamas' group" in Zaire. While she was there, the number of women participating grew from 5 to 150. Though I was at times her central figure, she has such a natural humility, and a deep respect for the order given by the Principle, that there was never any difficulty in her responding to my direction. It was a good testimony to our church tradition. One day I was having a team leaders' meeting while she was preparing to go out fundraising. As she headed out, loaded with product and with her gym shoes on, I called out to her, "Mother, please don't push yourself too hard!" She indignantly responded, "What kind of central figure would tell someone not to work hard!?"
Now our relationship is one of deep, mutual respect and friendship. We both help each other along in our spiritual lives. My father and brother are positive toward the Unification Church, and of course, I hope they can come closer in the future, even though my father has re-married. It is indeed very special to be sharing with my own mother this precious experience of working with God and the Messiah for the sake of the whole world.