The Words of the Ogden Family |
Week one of super challenge part two. This week was by far the most exhausting week in my fundraising career. My internal goal is to develop a child's heart. Starting out the week, I was intent on breaking 527 by the end of it. And I knew that in order to get to that external goal I needed to push internally so I thought about what I wanted internally. I knew that I wanted to gain some more understanding of God's heart towards the people I fundraise to and towards me. I started out by working on trust and belief. I wanted to trust and believe that God was out there, somewhere, and that I'm fundraising to these people who I believe have some part of God in them. Through really striving for that internal goal, I felt myself become more sincere towards both my goals. I didn't want to just break 500 to be on top 21, but I really wanted to offer up that amount to heavenly father. By trusting in the people, I could feel God's desperate heart towards them. I could feel that as I was investing in them and hoping that they can receive and return the love, so was God.
Through this I was able to really relate to God's heart towards the people and as I understood it more, I felt like I really wanted to comfort his heart by helping his children offer up SOMETHING to him.
It was the last day of the week, Saturday, and I knew I had to have absolute faith in God, myself, and in the people. I invested the first run. Then the second. And then the ones after that, but for some reason it wasn't working. Instead of really growing in my ability to see their original mind, it was becoming harder. The people weren't so nice anymore. They weren't so giving anymore. It became really hard for me to maintain that absolute faith in God and the people. But I still invested on. My team decided to blitz until 12 am. It was the last blitz of the week and I was still 235 dollars away from goal. I remember sitting in the van right before the blitz, feeling mentally and physically drained. I felt like I gave so much into the day and I was still so far from my external goal, but I could feel the determination I had to still do it in that last 40 minute blitz. I went out there and poured as much of my love and investment into my internal goal as I could. The blitz was over before I knew it and over before I could make my goal. I got back in the van and broke down. I wasn't able to restore my promise to heavenly father. I started to really repent to him, and I told my captain that I wanted to go on a morning blitz to show him that I'm willing to invest even without that external reassurance of my level of investment. I wanted to show him I still had absolute faith in him and in his children.
The next morning I wasn't able to break 500. I didn't even come close.
I remember sitting in the van, feeling like I put all of my being into my goals, and I wasn't able to do it. I invested into my internal goal for twenty four complete hours. I maintained my faith. I believed in god and his children, and I still had only 359 for the day. I was thinking about how tomorrow I'll have to make the same effort and I just felt like I couldn't do it. I couldn't invest again into these people. I couldn't put myself into that vulnerable situation and set myself up for failure. Not again. And that's when it hit me. I only invested for one day, yet god has been giving consistently and completely unconditionally for 6,000 years and only recently has His result come. Only recently has he been able to be completely happy.
Only recently has His heart really been able to be liberated by True Parents. True Parents are God's result and after 6,000 years of total investment and absolute faith has God been able to get closer to his goal of Cheon Il Guk.
This week has been an internal breakthrough and I really feel like I was able to grow in my sincerity towards my goal to Heavenly Father and in my understanding of His heart. Externally, though, I'm not satisfied. I want to be able to really push and offer a complete external offering to Heavenly Father. I still have a lot more to learn and I'm determined to keep going. In the beginning of STF, I couldn't help but wonder why God, if he is so desperate to be with me, doesn't just come and get me. Through my time spent here on STF and while fundraising, I really feel like I understand that you make the first step towards Him. And for the last couple weeks of this condition, I'm determined to break 527 and maintain absolute faith in Heavenly Father and True Parents.