The Family as a School of Love

John Clark
February 4, 2009

Unificationists believe God and mankind are working toward an ideal society and world governed by ethics and conscience. We desire to develop families that can serve as an ongoing school of love for all family members, from the youngest baby to the oldest grandparent.

Rev. Moon advocates three generations living together. Whenever Rev. Moon discusses families, I believe he is referring to a three generation home, not just mom and dad and their children. Children should grow up being loved every day by their parents, siblings and grandparents as well as being close to other relatives. We need to continue to develop our love foundation until the day we pass over to the next world.

The New Testament introduces us to Jesus by first naming 42 generations of his ancestors. The Ten Commandments mention sin being punished for four generations and faith being rewarded for a thousand generations.

You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.
Exodus 20:5-6

There are three distinct stages of life. Our mother’s womb was the world of water where we developed our physical body in preparation for breathing air, drinking and eating. In the physical world we need to develop our love foundation to grow our spirit in preparation for our eternal life in the spiritual world. Our responsibility here in the physical world is to perfect, or mature our love through our three generation home. This family effort cannot work with traditional individual faith alone. It is a concept of salvation by lineage, not by the individual. If we believe that our descendants will inherit our sin, it is very effective to help us to be good. Providing blessing for our beloved children and descendants is a more powerful motivation to be good than an abstract fear of hell.

It is a long and challenging road to raise children. My wife and I have three teenagers and it is a work in progress. If someone compliments me on my children, I usually respond with a guarded “Well, so far, so good” because we have a long way to go. There are a few fatherly elements that I have found greatly increases the odds for our children to grow up successfully.

It begins with trust and love and lots of happy times. Children need a lot of happy childhood memories of experiences with mom and dad to draw on when they get older and are making important life decisions. If their happiest memories are with their family, then they will value and want to continually develop their family relationships. They will more easily understand that their individual happiness is a result of real love in their family and avoid seeking a selfish road to self-fulfillment.

When children are small they tend to think doing anything for the first time is momentous. It is important to watch closely when they shout “Daddy, look!” at the playground as they go down the slide. When they get to the bottom they will look at you and check your reaction. They have to see Dad watching closely with happiness and pride. Then they have confidence and a clear spirit to go have more fun. If the parent is not watching, the child will feel unimportant and troubled that Mom or Dad doesn’t think much of their impressive new milestone.

I found that the most important time to delight in my children when they were young is when they came running to meet me when I came home from work. It is very important to focus and try to be more delighted to see them than they are to see you. Lay aside all your worries of the day and be happy to your toes to behold your children at this important moment. If they have things to report, take the time to hear what they have to say and give comments and advice. They will hear everything you say because these are topics they raised. This can help them to better deal with daily life and make them want to share when they feel the need. It also helps them to understand how their Father feels about specific things they are currently dealing with. They will then better know how to make their parents happy, which is something children naturally want to do. The children will identify themselves as indispensable to the family’s happiness and will take that into consideration when making decisions.

The terrible twos is a misnomer in my opinion. Two-year-olds are just curious. If they were not curious, they would be stupid, and no one wishes to have dull children. We should be grateful we have smart curious children and only be angry for bad motivation, not innocent mistakes.

Children’s weakest point is that they have little ability to understand how their actions today will create future results. This is because they have no previous experiences to refer to. If we explain the consequences of the different choices they have before them, they can make informed responsible decisions. Without advice, they will have to learn by trial and error, which can be unnecessarily painful and disappointing.

If our children experience good results by following our advice, they will grow to trust us and want us in their lives to help them make decisions. They will rely on us when they realize that more success comes their way when they listen carefully. They can learn from situations other families are dealing with and start thinking about what kind of family they would like to have in the future. From a young age children should feel that they themselves are making decisions that they are responsible for. It is not good to use coercion to get obedience.

If my children don’t want to listen to my advice, then that is their decision. They will learn from that too, usually with me laughing at whatever problems they run into. It is important that they feel that Dad truly likes them and enjoys interacting with them. That joy coupled with a knowledge that no one is rooting and working for their genuine success than the old man means that we can keep communicating through the often-turbulent teen years. Although I tend to be grouchy and may be sliding into senility, so far the kids seem to think I am worth keeping around. We’ll see how our relationships are after they graduate college and start making more money than I do.

The decisions children make from about 15 until around 25 will have great influence on the rest of their life. How much education they get, what field they will specialize in, and whom they will marry are all usually decided in this ten year window. It is a tragedy if a child is unprepared to enter this critical phase of life and wastes these years. I was exactly like that as a teenager and have been handicapped in what I can accomplish ever since. I want my children to work hard to create an academic and professional foundation that can allow them to have a wonderful family and public life. The old adage, “Youth is wasted on the young” is very true in my life.

In my opinion, the public school system is a major source of trouble for those who wish to create deep relationships with their children. The students spend their days in a wasteland of religious faith and much of the curriculum is written to evangelize for the church of secular humanism and political correctness. I know many devout parents who are struggling because their public-schooled children have strayed from a path of faith.

My wife and I went to a parent’s orientation at our local community college last September. The director of the testing center said that 80% of the public school graduates fail the algebra portion of the college entrance exam and 40% fail the English. That is a shocking indictment of public schooling, especially when we consider that these statistics only deal with college bound high school graduates. Factoring in those graduates who opt to not go to college and those high school students who drop out make the actual picture much worse. It would seem that the majority of public school students receive a poor education.

Home schooled children consistently outperform their public school counterparts academically and have the benefit of stronger family relationships. My children are self-taught and have to work hard to learn. We buy them textbooks and they study on their own without much instruction. I don’t make a lot of money and we are always struggling to pay the bills, but I would rather struggle financially and have better children as a result.

Here is a video that demonstrates what a difference parents can make in the lives of their children. This Korean mother raised her severely handicapped daughter to become a concert pianist. The girl only has two fingers on each hand. videos.komando.com/2009/01/17

As religious people, we should relish our responsibility to be stewards of our family. Let us keep the Ten Commandments in mind, especially to never cause our descendants to be punished for our actions. Let our lives be a basis for God to love and bless for a thousand generations to come.