The Words of the Gabriel Family
My dearest brothers and sisters. I want to share with you the precious experience that Heavenly Father gave Jean-Pierre and I before he went to the spiritual world. Because most of you did not see him that week before, it may be hard for you to understand and connect to the deep meaning of this offering.
Jean-Pierre and I had started a 40 day studying and prayer time to make a pure offering for the year of 1994. We used this time to share deeply about our relationship with God, our mission and our responsibility (we felt the importance of taking a step back to look at our life instead of always running).
When Jean-Pierre, who was the leader of the education department in France, came back from the education department meeting in Germany, on the night of the 30th of November,1994, he had a deep communication on the train, with Heavenly Father. He shed many tears and wanted very much to communicate this message with our True Parents. Jean-Pierre wrote the following account of this experience.
"Dear President Sa,
Last night, after our meeting in Schmitten, I could not sleep in the train from Frankfurt to Paris because of an internal realization that came with tears and insights that I must absolutely share with you from heart to heart.
Let us start from the beginning: my wife and I, during the course of this year, have followed three guests who received the content of the seven days Divine Principle seminar. The fact is that all of them came to a deep point of realization of the Truth, but none of them accepted to join the Unification Church. All of them have their feet on the border line, but none of them accepted to cross it, and I don't think they will ever do so in the present situation. It is important to understand why, not only concerning our personal case, but to reflect on a broader level why our Church has so many problems to multiply.
The important point here is that the three of them were put in contact with us in unusual circumstances, with obvious signs of God's guidance. First of all, a psychologist lady who lost her 34 year-old son from a heart attack. She was a CAUSA friend and I was very surprised at the funeral to see her throwing herself in my arms saying I was the only one able to help her. She is a very spiritual lady and we met regularly at her office to sing Unification Church holy songs and have strong unison prayer, which is a very unusual approach with non-Church members, but she revived quite a lot through this experience. She soon became a fan of Holy Songs. It is only a few months later that I started to teach her the equivalent of the 7 days Divine Principle workshop. After this, she had two dreams of Father and she put Heung-Jin-Nim's picture in her office. However she refused to become a Unification Church member and became a more devout Catholic than ever.
As a matter of fact, she believes in the Unification Theology more than in the Catholic Theology, but she goes to mass every day to find the spiritual life and strength she does not find in the Unification Church.
Why is that so?
"The problem in your Church, she told me, is not the leader, it is the members. Look at Reverend Moon, he is a totally balanced healthy individual, deeply united mind and body, full of life (she saw him in Korea). Look then at the members: sad, depressed, full of guilt and psychological problems, which are obvious to me as a therapist. It is not a church, it is a hospital. You shall never be successful in your witnessing without drastic changes in your movement."
Second case: a young and brilliant journalist. He read negative articles and books on our movement, but, by reading between the lines, he knew we were a very fascinating movement and he got in touch with us to know us better. Here too his approach to Divine Principle was quite unusual. Before he ever received a formal lecture, he had read the Black Book four times and an incredible amount of church documents. He is literally addicted to Today's World (he photocopied the collection of the last ten years) or any video-cassette from our movement, which he watches with his catholic wife. His conclusion: "at this point I can accept that Reverend Moon is the Messiah, but to accept him as the True Father of Mankind is another gigantic step, which I have not taken yet." A very interesting statement that should make us reflect, because it is saying in other terms: I know that you have the highest truth, but the heart of the True Parents is still a mystery for me, I don't have any visible sign how it can change the world.
Third and last case: the American mother of a young member who joined in the United States two years ago. At first she was terrified after a visit to an anti-cult organization. But when she visited us, she could see what she was told were lies. After a 7 days seminar on a personal level, she had several deep experiences of God's Heart with tears. She visits my wife and I every Thursday evening and we became her closest friends, almost like parents or children (sometimes she is the parent because she is older physically, sometimes she is our daughter, because she accepts us fully as her spiritual guides). She still has a very idealistic vision of our church, because she thinks we are a perfect couple (which is not true but God gave her this vision) and she almost never came to any church program. Actually we feel like protecting her from the church so that she does not lose this fresh vision.
Three cases of bright, educated, spiritual persons, exactly the type that we would like to see more often in our church. However, none of them feels the necessity to join. Every time we put pressure on them (like making them feel that they are going to miss the Providence and be lost if they don't), the result is immediately counter-productive. Then our leaders are disappointed because they don't see any result of new members they can report to the European HQ's. From the church structure, we are brought to feel that our investment produced no fruits, that our contacts are too selfish to be willing to sacrifice and that we are not bold enough to push them into the church. Then the idea comes in our mind that we wasted our time catching the wrong fish, that we should throw them back into the water and that we should concentrate on other fish. Obviously we were not centered on God enough and united enough with our central figures to find the right kind of fish. Then we feel guilty to spend more time with those guests, which is difficult to avoid: they ask to see us because they like us and love us. But we don't feel that we have the right to love them, because God's Love should only be channeled in the mass production of spiritual children. Then before going to bed, we don't have the courage to face God in our prayers. Instead of praying we rather feel like strangling our central figures in our mind and we go to sleep with those negative feelings.
Actually our experience, with my wife over the last months, is that if we resist the church pressure (which does not mean the leaders necessarily, since the church mental structure is engrafted in ourselves), God continues to work through us to love our guests, educate them and make them grow even if they do not join immediately."
Now does it mean that there is something wrong with our church leaders? Things appeared very clearly to me after our meeting in Schmitten: during the first part of your conference, you gave to all of us, on the theme of truth, some of the deepest internal guidance I ever received in our Church. Truly a heart education, showing us the original value of the children of God, the wrong concept of self-denial by many church leaders, the price God attaches to every human life. Truly when we receive this kind of spiritual guidance, we feel revived, because we are above the sphere of guilt. The word of truth becomes the revelation of the sons and daughters of God. Then you President Sa could be yourself, the living image of what you were talking about: a free individual, deeply united mind and body, full of life and humor. Then the subject turned to the multiplication of spiritual children and you were forced to take again your Church leader's clothes, you were not allowed to be yourself anymore, you told us about catching fish. Actually your words were judged by your previous ones: people became numbers, a herd of animals that we must stuff in the Unification Church by all means.
Then it appeared clearly to me that there is nothing wrong with you, our European leader, when you are allowed to be yourself. Father always sent to Europe wonderful leaders with the deepest realization of God's heart, such as Won Pil Kim, Young Whi Kim and yourself. There is nothing wrong with my wife and I when we take care of the people God sent us, even if we go outside the frame of the strict church direction. There is nothing wrong with our guests, even when they do not join the Unification Church on the spot. There is nothing wrong with the Divine Principle which continues to be an incredible source of inspiration. And finally there is nothing wrong with God (in other words He did not leave us and He keeps on sending His people to us). The only wrong thing is the church structure itself which does not allow God's Spirit to flow.
How does the blockage happen? In the case of your leadership, what does happen? Is your motivation bad when you set a goal of 5,000 members in Europe by the end of the year? Actually your motivation is good because you want to present an offering to support True Parents' aim which is to bring 360,000 couples to the blessing by 1995. The least you can do is to set this goal which is still very high but makes Father's goal a little bit more realistic because you are closer to the grassroots. Then you go with all determination you are capable of in order to fulfill this goal and you try to transmit the same motivation to the national leaders. They, if they are dedicated, try to inspire the local leaders and members in the same way. But the more we come to the grassroots, the more the goals become unrealistic and the determination to achieve them weakens. At the level of the members the desire or the hope to fulfill the goals have often almost faded away.
In other terms, we are confronted with a pyramid with True Parents at the top who are desperately trying to enlarge the narrow base of the Kingdom in an attempt to make an offering to Heavenly Father, but the more the pyramid has levels, the more the energy and determination is lost. It functions like a chain which, instead of multiplying energy, wastes it. We call the strong determination of the leaders faith and the weak determination of most of the members lack of faith. But actually it has nothing to do with faith. It is an addition of human energy which turns out to be a subtraction. It has nothing to do with real faith which means moving the Spirit of God. The additional problem is that we tend to praise those who have a strong determination (the leaders) and accuse those who have a lesser determination (the members), increasing the gap between the ones and the others.
The conclusion is clear: we'll never be able to enlarge the base of the Kingdom through the pyramid. It pretends to open the way to the Kingdom on earth, but it resembles more and more hell on earth and people don't want to enter in this pyramid where they have nothing to gain, not even a meaning to their suffering, and everything to lose.
Then is there no hope? There would be no hope if there was no living God. How can the living God manifest Himself in this situation? Because of the church mental structure ingrained in us, we expect naturally God's inspiration to come from the top of the pyramid (the True Parents). Of course this is the way God has been working for the last 40 years for providential reasons that we shall probably understand one day. Up to now there has been no Pentecost in our movement, with God's spirit moving the members like it happened after Jesus' death and resurrection. But shouldn't we look for something like that rather than looking at the top of the pyramid?
Now there is widely circulating in our movement some messages received from God by one of our members in America. A great many members take them very seriously, other fear that it might come from the wrong side. But what is there to be fearful of? Up to now the leadership in America has blocked access of those documents to True Parents. They think they have to be approved first by the American pyramid, but the problem with the pyramid is that it does not want to perish.
In Europe too these messages are spreading rapidly. In the name of many of my brothers and sisters, I feel pushed to present to you a request: could you please tell True Parents that many of us feel deeply those documents represent exactly the spiritual situation of our Church as well as a source of tremendous hope. Even in the case you don't agree yourself with their content, could you inform True Parents of what's happening and mostly of the content of those document? Please understand our hearts: we as grassroots members of the Unification Church don't have access to Father and don't have the possibility to share with him the contents of our hearts. Before we could speak to him, we would be chased away by many bodyguards and heart-guards (which are the worst). You know yourself how the pyramid can be evil, which you taught us very well the other day. And ask yourself the question: is a pyramid that separates True Parents from their children a tool for God or a tool for Satan?"
--end of uncompleted letter--
Jean-Pierre was deeply concerned about the growth of our church. You might feel a lack of hope when you read this but Jean-Pierre felt just the contrary. He had great hope and new determination to take responsibility as God's son. We can only find solutions through understanding the problem. He really had an Abel attitude, without resentment or accusation. It is a shame that so few people saw him that week before he ascended. He was a liberated man and he wanted to give his life to liberate others.
Henri Blanchard and Pierre Ceyrac had lunch with him, the following day, December 1. Here is an account of this meeting:
Lunch of 1st of December 1994 - Henri Blanchard, Jean-Pierre Gabriel, Pierre Ceyrac - Hotel Ibis near French headquarters:
Just after returning from Germany during the night, Jean-Pierre phones me in my car around 9:00 am as I was taking Henri to his class. He wants to see us for lunch if possible. He had a very profound experience with God in the train, all night long, without sleeping. "You might think that I am crazy," he warns us. We arrive at the headquarters of the French church, Chatillon, around 12:30. I wait in the car, while Henri goes to find Jean-Pierre. He comes back with Jean-Pierre and a copy of Greenhouse for himself, which he had not yet read.
We go to Hotel Ibis and sit at a round table. We naturally put Jean-Pierre in the middle, with Henri on his right and me on the left. We take our lunch from the buffet.
Jean-Pierre is very happy and stimulated. He speaks to us of his experience with God the night before. He felt so much the love of God, the desire of God, "I can restore Paris and France in three days." True Father once expressed something similar.
We understand that Jean-Pierre is not crazy, we feel that he is full of God's love. This is no longer the timid and discreet Jean-Pierre that we knew before. He is different -- even his voice is different; stronger, sonorous. He is sure of himself.
Jean-Pierre speaks to us about an aspect of the church that worries him. He really thinks of people as God’s children. It is this aspect of external result, "numbers", and "push" by leaders, without an internal element, that shocks Jean-Pierre.
He cannot continue like that. He wants to truly love. To love each person for what he or she is, not that they become a member, but that they become a son or daughter of God. Simply to love.
He can no longer accept this systematic or mechanical aspect of our church. He explains the faults and limitations of the pyramidal organization. "Mr. Sa wants 5000 members," he tells us.
"He gives this goal to Mr. Shibinuma, who gives it to Laurent, then to the pastors, then to the members. At each level the motivation loses force and depth. Finally, it no longer interests me, it has nothing to do with me, it is artificial. I would prefer to go see a football match."
How to change this? This is his big question. He wants to write to Mr. Sa, speak directly to True Father. "True Father is my Father, I must be able to speak to him? To tell him what the members are feeling!"
Why is it so difficult to bring members into the church? He speaks to us of Graciella, of Karen, of Hugues. They will never be able to join the church as it is now. He speaks to us of a couple from Algeria, who were practically in the street with no place to go and how he and Myrna took them home, "We must love each person, love!"
He tells us that he now understands the suffering of Henri, pressured by the "machine", the statistics, the accumulation of directions, pushed by leaders.
He also understands the suffering of members. Heart is often missing from relationships.
He understands why True Father wants to bring down this system and establish Tribal Messiahs. The crucial importance of the couples and conjugal love that must be at the center of the tribe. (Jean-Pierre just told me that this is a very central point) He explains how his relationship with Myrna has transformed, has become truly heavenly -- women are the key to the kingdom.
He speaks to us about "A" -- his internal conflicts -- Islam. The unique dimension of each person and what they represent for their ancestors, their tribe, their nation, the world, their religion, and again about the importance of women, the importance of A’s wife.
Finally, he explains his intention to write a letter to Mr. Sa and asks how to contact True Father. Just as we are leaving Jean-Pierre asks if Henri can help to get his letter to True Father.
We separate as a trinity which has great things to accomplish.
Early the next morning, Jean-Pierre and I went down to the kitchen to talk. At that time Jean-Pierre had many deep realizations which he saw like a film running before him. We know these things intellectually through studying the Principle but Jean-Pierre had a very strong experience where he FELT the emotions of God and True Adam in the situation of the fall. He felt the incredible anger of God towards the Archangel for raping Eve and the anger towards Eve because she was dominated by the archangel and the frustration of having children come from this fallen lineage. Eve was very connected to the archangel and disconnected from God and Adam. Because of this she could not be responsible at a very crucial moment. She was not able to protect God’s lineage. I feel, personally, when I go through this part how we sisters have really to understand this at this very important time in the providence. Father has explained that we are in the position of mother to our husbands who are in the archangel position so we must understand our incredible responsibility to repent for Eve’s lack of responsibility (her relationship with God) and change that by desperately praying and connecting to God to protect our blessing and our family and allow God to live in our families and allow our husbands to take the position of True Adam.
For that we need to help each other, sisters, to pray and share together in order to give each other strength and vision. God wants to live in the family and it is at this time that True Parents have created the foundation for us to live with God. It is a new age.
Before Jean-Pierre left for Germany, we had agreed that we wanted to bring an Islamic couple into our home because they had no place to sleep. Somehow this, as everything else that happened during this week, was part of a program we had to fulfill. This man feels deeply that his life is for God and wherever he is, in whatever situation, he has the faith that it is God’s will. His wife is really united with him. Through this short time together we developed a real relationship as brothers and sisters which will last for eternity. This couple being Islamic, represented the archangel or Cain in this experience we had. We left them in Paris that afternoon and it was as if their mission in our home was finished. As we embraced each other on the street, this man put his hand on Jean-Pierre’s head and gave a special blessing. He said, "You will become a man of steel". Jean-Pierre felt something very special. It was as if Abel was recognized by Cain.
So that night Jean-Pierre and I went to a restaurant together. We thought we have to celebrate because we felt some new time coming for us where God could live with us and we felt like it was our first date. Like a new fresh young couple. But we couldn't even eat. When we were matched together we had a similar experience. We were so filled with God’s love that we couldn’t eat.
From that moment, Jean-Pierre said we should do everything together. We brought Pierre-Olivier to school together and picked him up together. Jean-Pierre felt the importance of the family unit and decided to take a more active role as a father and husband. We always had a good relationship but usually his mind was not so free. I am grateful to God that we could have a week where we were together almost all the time, even going to the toilet together.
And then at one point he was on the couch and he said to me "Myrna come here quick". He had his eyes closed tightly and was crouched up on the couch and he said "Myrna I can't open my eyes. If I open my eyes are God and True Parents there." And I said "Oh yes they are there" and he said, "How do you know they are there?" and I said, "Because I have faith that they are always there."
But he said "Do God and True Parents love the archangel, is there a place for him in the kingdom?" And I said "Absolutely, there is a place for him in the kingdom. Father has always said that we also have to love the archangel. And it's God who created him." Then Jean-Pierre said, "If you say that God and True Parents are there then I'll open my eyes." And he slowly opened his eyes, and we embraced each other and we cried together because we could see how much the archangel needed to know that he was loved and appreciated just like every being. And I told Jean-Pierre that I loved him, I said to him "I love you no matter what you ever do, I will always love you. Father chose you for me but that doesn't mean that I, personally, don't love you. I love you, Jean-Pierre."
Many times during this week before Jean-Pierre went to the spiritual world, I said to him, "I'm so afraid of knives". We tried to discover why I had this fear. Because of the great fear, I had never before wanted to deal with this situation, even though I had felt that before. So I decided to set aside this fear and deal with the situation. And then one night I said "Oh no Jean-Pierre, I'm wanting to put the knife inside your heart." It was very hard to bring out this kind of thing. I never wanted to say such a thing but during this time we could feel it was absolutely important that we share everything in order to stay united. Several times when I felt that, Jean-Pierre felt the knife go into his heart. Through discussing this situation, we felt that this is the anger of Eve towards the archangel. We felt deeply the TRAGEDY of the SEPARATION between GOD AND HIS CHILDREN.
We always had a good relationship and we always challenged through communication to break down any wall that stopped us from feeling that we were growing in our couple, that we were advancing in our relationship and in our love. We always worked on that. If ever I felt distant from Jean-Pierre in any way I would always bring it up and we would always discuss and see what is it that makes us feel distant. I never could bear such a feeling and Jean-Pierre was always so humble to discuss and willing to put aside all pride. This was not always easy, because naturally a man wants to be a man in front of his wife and not be diminished as a man. What is important to realize is that a man is not diminished when he is true and real but rather the contrary. It takes much more courage to be humble and open. First, we need to deal with where we are, be honest about it and then we can grow. Of course, in order to be able to do that, we need to know that we are loved and respected.
In our international marriages we have so many things to deal with. Jean-Pierre and I discussed this and we felt that we are like two worlds. Each person is a world. Many of us come from different countries so we have different cultures and different ways of thinking and expressing, etc. How to get in touch with that other world, your husband or your wife. How to understand that world, understand what that person is thinking, and why they are thinking it. And come to some common understanding and respect for each other, for what the other person feels and thinks. And help each other to get rid of concepts. We can so easily think one way about the other person which can be completely wrong. We can completely miss the sincerity because that other person does not know how to express himself or herself. Jean-Pierre and I discussed this a lot during this time and we were completely open to each other.
An important thing happened between Jean-Pierre and I, our communication deepened because I could understand his intellectual remarks with my heart. Jean-Pierre explained to me the incredible power that he had in his brain. Myself, I’m not intellectual but rather heartistic. Even so, we found that because of our unity, when Jean-Pierre would say something intellectually, I would understand it with my heart and put it into my own words. He was amazed because I didn’t understand the meaning of some words but I could feel the meaning with my heart. We were so excited to reach this level of communication.
Jean-Pierre had deep experiences of understanding the heart of certain brothers and sisters, of his family and our ancestors. He cried so deeply, as if his heart would break. He explained the incredible pain in his heart. It was hard for me to see him in such pain. Then he said, "Now I understand their suffering and I can liberate them. I can liberate them without even speaking about God (referring to, for example, his family). Then Jean-Pierre cried deeply for the Mennonites. My ancestors have belonged to the Mennonite church since the 17th century. My generation is the first to leave the church and to marry outside of this church. They have always wanted to live totally and purely for God and God’s will. Jean-Pierre felt they were chosen people who were to meet the Messiah.
These people really sacrificed and separated themselves from the material world, living as a community, helping and supporting each other. They wanted to be ready for the return of Christ. He also felt the suffering of the Mennonite women who were always dressed in black, not being allowed to have any ornaments, not even buttons, because they were not allowed to show their femininity in order to be pure. What they could not realize is that God created femininity and what a beautiful expression of God it is. I have always felt this suffering within me and Jean-Pierre really wanted to help me to be liberated from this suffering. When he was speaking about it I was sitting beside him and all of a sudden I felt like a Mennonite women. I was like a Mennonite woman completely dressed in black and made of stone. We felt that the stone signified the 400 years of thinking that femininity was a sin. (of course I do appreciate very much the purity and faith of my ancestors). It was such a strong feeling that I felt no hope to be liberated. But Jean-Pierre said "It's not a problem, you can be liberated in a few days. I will help you."
I remember how I wanted to kill my baby sister when I was a little girl. She was like the first feminine being born into our Mennonite family. All my sisters and I felt resentful because we too wanted to be more feminine. It seems like in the church as well, we have tended to not allow our femininity to come out, being afraid before we joined our husbands to have a ' chapter 2 problem'. But actually our True Mother and the True Children are not afraid of their femininity. It is created by God and this is so beautiful and Jean-Pierre helped me to understand how important it is for the husband to see this femininity. That we should let our femininity vibrate just a little and it's OK for other men to see this femininity, it doesn't mean that they are going to jump on you. Femininity is beautiful. Then he said he could feel that he can look at femininity and it doesn't mean he is having a sexual feeling, he's just looking at the beauty of femininity. He felt that within the couple we should really let out this femininity 100% for our husband. He gave me great hope and support.
The next day, we went to Pierre-Olivier's violin lesson together. Jean-Pierre talked about the beauty of the harmony of music. How all the strings together created a harmony and how we have to have the same kind of harmony in our couples and in our families so that God can live with us. He said that it is so good for children’s spirit to listen to music because they can be in touch with this harmony.
Then that afternoon Jean-Pierre said, "This afternoon we must go to the swimming pool, Heavenly Father wants to show us something at the swimming pool." Everything we did was important at a certain time. So we all went to the swimming pool together. Normally Jean-Pierre would go into the big pool and do laps but this time he felt that this would cut the communication in our family. He had such a strong desire for us to stay together. So we went into the small pool and played with Pierre-Olivier and into the little hot bubbly pool and watched people. Later we discussed what God had shown us. I expressed that I had seen the femininity in the women, whether they were fat or thin, some didn't have such a beautiful face but still their femininity was shining and this was beautiful. Jean-Pierre explained that he had seen the same thing and he could look at the beauty of this femininity with an absolute pure heart.
Just as I was struggling to be in touch with my femininity, Jean-Pierre discovered that he also struggled to be in touch with his masculinity. He felt that the fact that his mother was too subjective in relationship to his father, caused, in part, this difficulty. We were grateful to be able to see these difficulties. This gave us hope to work towards the ideal. We learned how to fulfill each others needs. I personally have often had a hard time to understand men. I've often asked God why He created them. I know this is not very nice but there is such a difference between men and women, that it's hard to understand. Through this time I experienced true masculinity through Jean-Pierre. Our husbands can only be reborn if we really love them.
Jean-Pierre felt more and more the feeling of his future mission. I said two days before he went to the spirit world, "Jean-Pierre your heart is so incredible, God must be preparing you for a new mission. You're going to save many people." And he felt that his new mission would be understanding how to work together with psychology and the Divine Principle. He had been studying psychology for the last few years and felt a lot of hope to help brothers and sisters, especially couples, through combining Divine Principle and psychology. He could see how powerful this could be. Because Jean-Pierre and I had such a open and loving relationship, we could help each other. But in some couples there is too much suffering and too much difficulty to start this kind of open relationship so they need the help of some kind of therapist in order to be able to confront the fears and the terrible thinking that we can sometimes have. I'm sure that God is wanting to continue this important work.
Jean-Pierre also talked about our village of Vigny. He said "We really must invest more in our village, to love our town and take care of our town. And I felt just with his heart and with his tears he could start to take care of our town. They've helped us so much since Jean-Pierre’s ascension.
Jean-Pierre continued to experience incredible liberation and purification throughout the week.
One morning, Pierre-Olivier came into our bed and crawled in between us. He often did this and we enjoyed those moments together. Jean-Pierre felt that he himself suffered when he was a child because his parents never allowed him into their bed. At that time, Jean-Pierre turned to Pierre-Olivier and with tears in his eyes, he said "You're my son". He realized that even though he really loved Pierre-Olivier, he had never really accepted him as HIS son. Jean-Pierre felt that without this realization Pierre-Olivier would suffer from a crisis of identity. He also felt how important it was for Pierre-Olivier to be in touch with his roots. That we are one extended family and that God has created this situation to protect and love us. We want to be humble and learn from each other.
He was able to be completely free like this to discover, through his knowledge of the Divine Principle and the knowledge of psychology, together, the roots of deep problems and why they developed. That weekend Jean-Pierre was scheduled to give a seminar in Sacy, but he completely lost his voice which gave us the weekend home together. Then on Sunday, we went to Paris to pick up a check from a friend he was working with. This friend announced that he had no check because the person for whom Jean-Pierre had made a synopsis, had not accepted it. Some other work had also been canceled. This was very unusual. I don’t remember anyone ever refusing Jean-Pierre’s synopsis before. Normally he would of been very nervous because we didn’t have any money but to our friend’s surprise, Jean-Pierre said, "That’s not the most important thing." He just asked to borrow 200 francs in order that he could take his wife and son to see the Lion King and off we went. He was just feeling, "Anyway there's a big change taking place in my life and God is taking charge so this is not a problem." We felt really like we were in the Kingdom of Heaven. We felt God was watching this movie together with us. It was so beautiful.
After the movie we all went on a merry-go-round together and Jean-Pierre was so free. I never saw him so happy. We then walked together in the streets of Paris. We never saw Paris so beautiful. Usually we’re in such a hurry but that day we took our time, watching a mime on the street, etc. We felt like we were in the Heavenly Kingdom because Heavenly Father was doing everything with us.
That night when we were together Jean-Pierre put on Jacques Brel, "Quant On A Que l'Amour".
Tears were flowing down his cheeks as he was singing with his whole heart. Then we danced together and he tried to get me to loosen up. He was so free. That night he said as he said several times that week, "Myrna I don't want to go to the kingdom without you, only together with you, otherwise I don't want to go to any kingdom, only together with you." He said that so desperately and I said of course Jean-Pierre, we’ll always be together. I couldn't understand why he said that. Perhaps he had some premonition or perhaps it was because he was being elevated so high and it was hard for me to keep up. I few times I said he was going too fast so he would try to slow down and make sure that we agreed and were united. It was such an intense time.
The following day, I went to lunch with two sisters and a contact. After the lunch, I called Jean-Pierre to tell him that I was about to leave for home and he told me to play some love songs in the car on the way home and he would do the same at home. I put on Barbara Streisand’s album "Emotion" and I was singing along with my whole heart. And then just before I got home I thought "I'll switch off the music and prepare myself to meet Jean-Pierre." Then when I got home our neighbor was washing his car outside and all of a sudden I see Jean-Pierre open the door and he dashes out of the door with his arms open wide and we run into each others arms. It was like a movie. And he gives me the biggest kiss he's ever given me in my life, the most beautiful kiss that he's every given me in my life, that made a kind of unity between us that you cannot imagine, but I hope you can imagine. And I remember so many times when we've spoken about the fact that when we meet each other we should prepare to meet each other so that we can have this incredible love and unity. Jean-Pierre said, "I'm sorry for the times when I couldn't express that love." Because many times he had a hard time to express such deep feelings. Although he felt them very deeply, he couldn't express them. I had a need of their expression. We were so happy and we could see when a couple is united, GOD IS THERE.
That evening Jean-Pierre started to say "What is going on here? Are we special? Are we chosen for something? Why are we experiencing this? Is this a personal experience? How can we offer this to God and True Parents?" Myself I was saying, "Well you know I don't want to think we're special. This is the time, in the providence, when the husband, being in archangel position should change to True Adam's position. So perhaps this is happening to other couples in the world."
I felt so much how our brothers suffer, having this load on them, this burden of being in archangel position and how much their original self is longing to be free, longing to be God's true son. JEAN-PIERRE STARTED TO JUMP FOR JOY! It was so wonderful to see him being liberated and he said "I am a real man." And of course all the sisters, we always want a real man for our husband and then we also can be recreated as the real woman to really be in the wife position. And he mentioned, "You know in the past we have been like brother and sister but now I'm your husband and you're my wife." This may be very difficult to relate to or to believe, but I saw Jean-Pierre change 180 degrees. He always was a wonderful brother but to have this opportunity to really become like a true son of God, like true Adam. Seeing Jean-Pierre opening up and being completely liberated was so beautiful for me. I truly saw him as God’s son. I feel truly honored to have such a husband and grateful to God.
Jean-Pierre was so preoccupied about how we could offer this to God and True Parents, about how we could talk to True Parents about this experience. He drew the following diagram. That’s Jean-Pierre and I at the bottom, “living something". Jean-Pierre didn’t feel confident that a message would go to True Parents through the hierarchy of the church so he felt that he must send the message through a person of heart, who already had a connection to True Parents. He felt this person is Henri.
During this time Pierre-Olivier was often playing doctor. Several times he saw his Papa crying and he would say "Papa, I'm a doctor, I'm a good doctor, tell me where your bo-bo is."
And I remember on Monday the 5th Jean-Pierre said,:"I have a bo-bo on my heart". And Pierre-Olivier said, "No problem." He got his doctor bag and I gave him some real band-aids. And he put a tiny band-aid over Papa's heart and he said, "You leave that on for several days and your bo-bo will be gone." And Jean-Pierre was very serious to listen to Pierre-Olivier and he told me, "Listen to Pierre-Olivier, God is often speaking through him." Later when Papa had gone to spiritual world, Pierre-Olivier said to me, "Papa doesn't need that band-aid any more, he doesn't have that pain in his heart anymore."
Pierre-Olivier had some sheriff badges, a six pointed star, and he gave one to Papa and one to me and Jean-Pierre said, "This means something. The six points means there are six of us here.
There's God, there's True Father, there's True Mother, there's myself, there's you Myrna and Pierre-Olivier. We're six. A big family." That morning Jean-Pierre went for a walk while I was making lunch and he explained to me when he came back that he enjoyed his walk more than he ever had before. He saw the trees, the sky, nature and the incredible beauty with which God had created nature and he was so excited and he said, "So many times I haven't been able to see. Now when I look at nature I see the beauty and when I see the people in the street I love them all." Many times Jean-Pierre's brain was so occupied that he couldn’t see or hear anyone or anything around him.
He told me about his walk to the post office, where he met a man that we know. This man is a poet who always has his head bowed as if he's suffering very much. He's very sensitive and he's explained to us before that he suffers in this world because people are generally very cold.
Jean-Pierre said one line to this man and he was bright as a light bulb. Jean-Pierre felt "We can save everybody now, I know how to love. I can love anybody and give them the love of God. And give them new hope."
Then he came back for lunch and I gave him freshly squeezed orange juice and he said he'd never tasted orange juice like that before. His taste buds were so sensitive that everything tasted better than ever. He commented that everything was so delicious. He said that he'd never appreciated or tasted like that before. I was very surprised and happy. Jean-Pierre always liked eating but the fact that he was so aware of it was different.
Jean-Pierre had made a special diagram about the husband and wife relationship, which I include here.
HUSBAND, WIFE DIAGRAM [missing]
He was very serious about this diagram. My unity with Jean-Pierre was very important. He felt strongly the importance of me not disagreeing with him in front of Pierre-Olivier. Of course, between us, we completely expressed our opinions and decided everything together with mutual respect. I felt that Heavenly Father inspired him to make this diagram especially for this week because Heavenly Father was trying to find a way to protect Jean-Pierre
That Tuesday evening, we had wanted to go see Henri to share with him our deep experiences but Giovanna called Jean-Pierre. So Jean-Pierre asked me whether I thought we should go to see Henri or Lakhdar and Giovanna. I answered, "What do you think we should do?" And Jean-Pierre replied, "I think our brother and sister need us so we first have to go to help our brother and sister."
It was at that time when he called Giovanna to tell her that we're coming, and he said, "I come whether I live or die." And she said, "Don't say that." He said, "You have to accept that I'm willing to give my life for you."
Then, before we got in the car, he said to me, "Tell me we can go whether we live or die." And I also said, "Jean-Pierre don't say that kind of thing." And he said, "Just say yes and everything will be alright." Although I said, "Yes", with my heart I didn't say "Yes, I'm willing to give my life". But Jean-Pierre did. I was rather frightened but I tried to keep calm and prayerful during the drive. We stopped at the side of the road by a gas station because we wanted to call our friends and find out exactly how to go to their place. Jean-Pierre went to find a telephone and never came back. No one was a witness to the accident, all we know is that he was run over by some type of vehicle and that he did not suffer. The other day Pierre-Olivier said to me," Mama, do you know why Papa went to the spirit world so fast? Because Heavenly Father needed him immediately." I feel now, it was a special protection that Pierre-Olivier and I did not see the accident. Now I pray that I can gain this pure and willing heart that Jean-Pierre had and I continuously challenge to offer Jean-Pierre so that we can build a world of hope and love, the Heavenly Kingdom.
This last week was a special gift from Heavenly Father. God first helped us to understand the tragedy of the separation between Him and His children and then He embraced us with His warmest love. Jean-Pierre was able to experience life on this earth as a Lord of creation. As a husband, a father, a brother and a son of God, he displayed a most pure and beautiful heart. Because of this, he could go very high in the spiritual world. Just after the accident, Heavenly Father said to me that He was holding Jean-Pierre in his arms. The very night of his ascension, Laurent Ladouce and several brothers and sisters went with me to the holy ground by the Eiffel Tower. I was crying and my whole body was shaking so much that Jeni had to hold me. At the end of the prayer, when we sang "Urie So Wonum Tongil", I saw Jean-Pierre as big as the sky, directing us and singing with us with his whole heart and I became completely calm. Jean-Pierre's body, spirit and soul were completely claimed by God so surely this is a great hope for this nation and this world.
The next morning after the accident, I went with our son, Pierre-Olivier and several brothers and sisters back to our house and the first thing we did as we entered was to say a prayer together. As I prayed, I saw spiritually, our True Parents entering the living room with their crowns and ceremonial robes. It was very powerful.
Throughout that time until the Seung Hwa Ceremony, Jean-Pierre was very present with us. He was right beside me, I could hear him speak and I saw him a few times. He was very young and tall, with darker hair and had the nobility of a prince. Several times he wanted to waltz with me and he was always joyful to see brothers and sisters.
I felt the importance of the Seung Hwa Ceremony taking place as soon as possible. In normal circumstances, we should have the body with us for three days and pray and sing and never leave it alone but in this situation, the body was in the morgue. I saw that this created some anxiety for Jean-Pierre and he guided me in a way so that things could advance as fast as possible. As soon as I was able to give his holy robe, I felt immediately, he was able to go higher. It was like embracing his body with love. That evening when I came home, Pierre-Olivier, who had made a special alter for his Papa, told me that Papa had gone higher that day. He had added a few boxes to his alter to show this and he said soon Papa would go higher than the ceiling. He was very connected to the whole situation. Jean-Pierre was very present for the 40 days after the Won Jon Ceremony, especially at mealtime. Now he is very busy and he visits when he can. Sometimes I feel him standing beside Father and he says to me " Father is doing great things, you will see."
I have had very personal and deep experiences with Heavenly Father and True Parents since Jean-Pierre’s ascension. I feel so much love and comfort from them and brothers and sisters. Thank you very much. Jean-Pierre always assures me that he will always be with us in heart and I should not be anxious because I will receive help for everything.
One night, I woke up and I felt a very bright light shining on Pierre-Olivier and myself and Jean-Pierre said we were completely safe and protected and he sang a beautiful song to me. One sister sent me a cassette with this song on it.
"How could anyone dare to tell
you were anything less than beautiful,
how could anyone dare to tell you,
you were less than whole.
How could anyone fail to notice
that our love is such a miracle.
How deeply you're connected to my soul."