On Winning the Lottery

Laszlo Jager
June 6, 2013

I have a confession to make.

I've wanted and really, really tried to win in the lottery, recently quite a great amount in this country. However, I always just missed the numbers. I felt myself unable to listen more the Heaven to guide me, I felt I was arrogant.

What all I wanted is to give tithing from this lottery winning, to my nation, to my city and to the Providence, giving extra donation for a bigger city center and for a larger Peace Embassy, to visit my spiritual mother and her family, who are suffocating in loans, pay their debts, because she is one of the very reasons we could have Blessed Children in this family. I wish to visit around all those brothers and sisters who have no jobs and own shelters, and offering to them a sum, with no expectations in return, hoping, they could buy a home, and start to work totally focused on and for and with True Parents. I want to visit our previous city leader, with whom we did not always get on well, because he and his family offered so much, and they have a mortgage, and want to give the money, more than this very need...

I never felt to keep any of this wishful lottery prize. I was struggling when I was praying to Heavenly Parent, knowing, our ancestors are suffering since they are not liberated and blessed, they are in so much pain that they push us hardships. I felt bad, whenever I thought to keep even this money for this purpose and for Total Living Offering. I wanted to give it to True Mother, although, how could she accept anything from me, an immature, uncompleted person? I thought maybe there is a way to give it somebody who is close to her asking to be a postman...

I vividly remember, our children tried to help me years ago, to win the lottery for offering it for a new airplane as that time this was taken away from True Parents. For days I was browsing to find the most suitable and money-fitting airplane for them...

We always give out everything for this purpose. This lottery is always on Saturday evenings. Whenever there is no winner, I feel, sense, this way Heavenly Parent wants to provide more to our True Parents, our community, our members to be freed from consumption-society's slavery to be able to witness more and more, to have a happily growing, maturing life in every family.

Although, I know, it is not a lot of money on world level, it can save homeless people and those in need...

And I fail, every time. I feel myself not enough good for this opportunity to be responsible for. I feel weak myself. So much is at take...

Whenever I go for filling the numbers, I pour it out, we have nothing left as family.

Sometimes our money is enough only for one game, sometimes for five, or more.

Whenever it is, I can buy a little strawberries nowadays for the young ones, and I count, how we could substitute meat, because that would be the money for that.

Every Saturday the butcher's closes at noon, and instead of that, I try to win for Heavenly Parent...

Certainly, we never starve, but whenever I imagine a great meat meal with the kids, I always think of this way: they'll understand it, they'll accept it, because they live with the living True Parents of Heaven, Earth and Humankind, for them the spirit world, Jesus, are reality.

And I am Blessed. I have won so much more, since we have this family, even many times in valleys... I would never ever change any part of it for any lottery prize. I've won much more...

However, this would be for True Mother, for the Movement, for our Church, for my really Beloved Brothers and Sisters, whom I would like to help...

How many times I've seen in my daydreams warehouses full of True Father's autobiography for free distributions!

Every week I feel unworthy for this. No one gave me this mission, no one has ever told me to think like this. No one has ever asked me to do this.

Yes, we are poor. Poorer than many. But richer than the most in the world. So I do not complain.

I just want to give this money to True Mother and my National Leader even if I'd feel tempted and weakened, nothing to keep. I have already received more than anything, I live in a Blessed Family, we can start a Home Church...

This night I received more than any lottery prize. True Parents' teachings I read. And every page, every topic, every title was more valuable and eternal, than any lottery prize. Tonight, I've won probably more than five times...

And I mean and feel it.

Thank you for reading.

Brother Laszlo