I was one of these people who was really into the Ancestor Liberation Ceremony in Oakland CA. on April 21, 1999. At least at the end I was. From the moment I came in the room, I had a terrible headache and heaviness on my shoulders. I did not know what to expect. I did not go to Chung Pyung Lake, so I cannot compare. Anyway I went along with everybody else. At first I did not like the singing to be so loud, deafening, especially with that particular holy song: "Grace of the Holy Garden". I did not think it was the right way to sing it. Everyone is shouting so hard you can't hear the words you sing, how can anyone focus on them and put meaning in what they are singing. I went along with it anyway, but I decided to make personal effort to sing with meaning and heart. I wanted to be sincere when I clapped my hands, even when we began to hit ourselves. It actually felt good especially where I was aching.

Mrs. Kim (Dae Mo Nim's medium) announced that she had found all of our ancestors, based on the forms we had filled out and that they were all there. Even though I cannot see spirits, I felt happy that they were there. When the session of clapping and hitting and the prayer was over, I had no more headache, no more backache and I felt really happy and light. I also felt a sense of togetherness with all the brothers and sisters there. And the children also looked happy. Many of them went along with the whole ceremony. Mrs. Kim really inspired me. I have to admit I was thinking more of her than Dae Mo Nim. She looked very strong to me, very young spiritually. She looked really good. She reminded me of True Mother. She looked very confident and spoke with authority. I did not feel judgement from her. When we were clapping, she was also making movements with her hands. She would first make several circular movements with her hands, then with her left hand, she made what looked like a sweeping movement as if ushering people to move somewhere. (It is the best way I can describe it). When she did that, she looked at every single brother and sister.

Many times I am also disturbed by the demand of money. But I had heard the day before that they were going to ask for $6,000.00 and I was very upset about that, but it was a rumor and I hoped it would be just that, and it was. To me, this monetary offering is not so that our ancestors can be liberated. It is the blessing fee for them and I pray to God that I can find a way to make it.

I am not so negative about the money, because I want these liberated ancestors to be happy. The blessing is very precious. Through the blessing, we leave Adam's lineage and come to God's lineage through our True Parents. It is the same for our ancestors. After 100-day workshop, they will receive the blessing. I am so happy for them. Not only we have a monetary offering to make, but we also have to make a 100-day prayer condition to help and support our ancestors to receive the Divine Principle and accept True Parents.

I just hope that we can move forward from this experience. Many times, when we go to workshops or speeches, we feel very inspired, we are in touch with the ideal, with our purpose, but when we come back to reality, we seem to loose that inspiration. We face our struggles again and we don't always succeed in overcoming them. Then we start loosing sight of our goal or even faith that we can make it.

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