The Words of In Jin Moon
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The Words of In Jin Moon |
Good afternoon, brothers and sisters. With such a wonderful older brother like Hyo Jin, and such a heartistic older sister like Ye Jin, I feel so unworthy to stand here and talk to you about what I have felt and what I have experienced during, shall we say, difficult times in our Unification Church. Right now I cannot but feel unworthy in so many ways because truly, just like Mother said, Jesus didn't have to be crucified 2000 years ago. It was because the Israelites disbelieved and disobeyed that Jesus had to take the cross. Two thousand years later we have the tremendous blessing to live in a time when the second Messiah is here with us. We can see him day to day. We can listen to his heart. We can listen to him speak. Yet still many of us disobeyed and disbelieved in Father. And that is why he is in Danbury, Connecticut, right now, serving his 18 months in prison.
I have been in Danbury a few times, and I have seen my father. When I saw him the first time it just totally amazed me how calm, how poised he was, how warm his smile was for me, for my family, for my mother. I just cannot believe that at a time like this with all the suffering that he's experiencing in the prison -- and as you know he cannot speak English very fluently -- he could be receiving and almost welcoming us to where he is staying.
I felt, my gosh, even in prison he is humble and he is being sacrificial. I am amazed over and over again that I have not realized until now how precious our Father and our Mother are. I am so ashamed when I say to all of you that 1 am going to be 19 this year. Because I, as their true child, for 19 years have really not realized their value. I have right in front of me a precious jewel, and I have not realized its value until now. And I just feel so ashamed, and I feel sorry to our True Parents that I couldn't have been more of a true daughter to them.
And then, even in the midst of my shortcomings and my inadequacies, Father and Mother have bestowed upon me the greatest blessing, that is, representing the True Family, representing my brothers and sisters at the Constitutional Hall Pageant for Religious Freedom. When I heard Father had chosen me to speak I was stunned and I didn't know why such great blessing had come to me, to such an unworthy me. I was not sure if I could live up to Father's expectations. I was not sure if I could do my responsibility as his daughter in front of 4000 ministers, So that day, for the first time, I went on a cold shower condition.
I was terrified, to tell the truth. I mean everything that came to mind I did. I prayed, I fasted, Lord knows what else I did, and I don't know how I went through that night as I did. And I don't know how I stood there without my knees falling apart below me and was able to give Father's message to all those ministers. I believe it was not I who was speaking, I believe it was Father who was speaking through me, because even as I was reading Father's letter, I felt so much of Father's heart in it. I almost had to hold myself back from just crying out and bursting into tears and shouting: "Look, you people, here we have the Messiah imprisoned in Danbury, Connecticut! What are you doing sitting here for this pageant?"
But, because they are ministers, and because I have to respect them, and because I have to be humble, I had to hold back my aggressiveness. I am born under the sign of Leo, so sometimes I say things that offend people, or sometimes I do things too abruptly, and I know Satan was testing me with his full force, to blurt out and say sharp things to all these people But somehow I guess God helped me, and I guess Heung Jin helped me, and Father's spirit helped me to act poised, to act disciplined, like a perfect daughter should be.
I want to tell you that spirit world alone couldn't have brought the success of this rally. It was really all of you and all the members who are working so hard throughout the world for our True Father, and I know that all of you here are working so hard to make people understand, to make people wake up from their sleep and realize the importance and the value of True Father. I know you are really shedding your blood, sweat and tear- tor this cause, and I just want to say at this time in front of Mother here, that I also truly pledge myself, just as all of you have done. I really want to become that true daughter Father expects all of us to be, because I love Father very much, I really do.
I am trying to put myself in True Parents' position, and especially in True Mother's position. How difficult it must be for her, and how many times she must be crying deep in the night because Father is there at Danbury in a cold room by himself, praying for the world. And when I think about my mother I cannot help but realize how great a woman she really, truly is. Knowing that her husband is in prison suffering, she has come before all of us here, has given us such a heartwarming speech, and is truly standing up to fill in the position of both Father and Mother. She is such a tremendous and beautiful woman, and I just hope that someday I will be able to measure up to my mother's tremendous standards.
(Here In Jin Nim's voice trembled with emotion.)
I really want to tell you that we must truly unite with Mother a hundred percent, and with my oldest brother, Hyo Jin, and with my older sister, Ye Jin, because only when we unite with them are we uniting with Father.
I want to tell you that even though Father is in prison, he's not feeling any grudge against the country of America that jailed him, and he's not feeling anger. Rather he is thankful to God that if by his imprisonment he can save the world, then he is glad to do that, he does it happily. When Father uttered those words to me in prison, I was moved once again, and sometimes I'm such a crybaby.
We can meet Father from eight to three. Every day we go to meet Father. When it's nearing two o'clock in the afternoon, you feel very agitated, and you feel very uncomfortable because the clock is ticking and you know that in 60 minutes you will have to leave, and you are trying to say: "What can I do in 60 minutes to somehow uplift my father, somehow comfort him or try to make him see that we, as his sons and daughters, are doing the best we can?" But every time I try to do that, it seems like I fail and it is Father who is comforting me, and telling me that it is okay, this is God's will. It is destiny, and it must be done.
Every time I have to see my father at 3:00 p.m. walk back into the prison, it hurts me so much, because if everyone was willing, if everyone had a mind like Heung Jin who was willing to die for Father, if everyone of us was willing to live such a life, then maybe this tragedy wouldn't have happened to Father. I keep on thinking: What if I had done this? What if I had done that? What if I hadn't done this? What if I hadn't done that? But then reality dawns on me that Father is in prison at this present moment, and nothing can be done to change the past.
I am sure there are millions and millions of people in spirit world -- all those famous saints, all those patriots who died for their country and for their cause -- who are so much more worthy to be in our position, to be in our shoes right now, to be serving lime Parents, than we are. What are we? We were given life, and we are living in the same time as our True Father, and still we are not doing our mission. I mean God has done ninety-five percent for us. He has given us everything, and all we have to do is such a small percent. But we struggle with it every day, and we are not really able to perfect ourselves so that we can become better heavenly soldiers for True Parents. I am saying this for myself as well as to you, that we really must humble ourselves, and we truly must unite with Father and Mother a hundred percent, because they truly are the living example of a true daughter and a true son of our Father up in heaven.
I know that during the time Father is in jail a lot of miracles will be happening, and I pray for them. Really, Christians are standing up and fighting for our Father. Especially at the rally, Dr. Joseph Lowery, Sen. Orrin Hatch, and so many, many other people were just wonderful. I have heard my father-in-law speak many times about how all these ministers, all these senators and these very influential people are supporting Father, but I thought, "Oh, no, it's one of Col. Pak's overblown stories, or it is just some 'inspiring message.'"
(The audience laughed, including Col. Pak.)
But I truly want to say that at this rally I was overwhelmed and I felt it to my bones how much they love Father. If outside people can speak out for Father like that with such conviction, why can't we, right? So, I don't have to say any more. I am sure you know also very well deep inside your hearts. I want to say to Father: We are going to liberate you soon! Thank you.