I always love to get HeartWing and also share the articles often with my friends and relatives.

My grandparents came to the United States in the early 1920's from the Slovak/Ukraine border. They were Russian Orthodox and lived a very simple, devout life-style. I inherited a deep love of God, Jesus, and Mary from my mother and grandmother. My grandmother prayed constantly and as we grew up we were accustomed to her receiving visions and messages from angels. I thought this was normal for everyone. Now I realize, of course, that it isn't.

I have gone to Russia four times since 1991 as I have been called by my deep love for the Christian foundation laid by the Russian Orthodox Church. This dream came while I was in Latvia: I received the dream of my mother (see HW, p. 15) on August 1, 1992, and then when True Mother spoke to us in Moscow in November, she said almost identical things, just in a different framework.

Before waking up to pray early one Sunday morning, God gave me a gift. My mother came to me in my dream. It was as real as life. Maybe it was even more real. I was at home where I grew up in Idaho. My mother came to pick me up in the family car. We chatted and laughed, and then went into the house to have tea. She fixed me a cup and sat at the kitchen table. Suddenly she looked me straight in the face and became serious. She said, "You know I didn't want to die." I laughed because that had been very obvious to me. She had fought death for six months after her heart attack and defied all of the doctors along the way. She had only 16% of her heart functioning. She said it was hard for her to accept death. She fought hard but finally realized that God had decided and she let go. She said that the first thing that happened after she died was an exam, which reviewed every aspect of a person's life. She was told that she had a lot of character merit and strength. She said the test was about love. What was your first romance? Your first sexual relationship? What next/How many? Other aspects of love were also reviewed, but the sexual points were very important.

She continued to explain that the test had a scale like 1 to 10. Most people score about a 5, which is the point where people love others because they are supposed to, or because if they love, then they will be loved in return, or because they are in the same family. This is not bad, but it is conditional. To go past 5, the criteria is not just love but the motivation behind the love. The more the motivation is truly for the other, with no thought of self, the higher is the score. She said with a slight smile that she had done better on the test than she had thought she would. She said that I shouldn't worry about her, and that she found out that much of her merit came from her parents and grandparents.

She told me that I had inherited a special merit too. Because of this, though I had done some things which ordinarily were very bad from the perspective of love, I could be forgiven and so was given a second chance. She warned me that I should never feel that I had done something special and if good things come, that I should always be grateful and thank the ancestors. She told me I had a problem with not having enough spontaneous expression of love. Love for me is too much work and not enough emotion. Things done because of a deeply felt emotion can be more easily forgiven even if they were technically wrong than things done for other reasons, such as obligation or self- righteousness or fear. She explained to me that I need to put this dimension into the motivation of my love. Then my husband came in the room. Mom asked if I wanted to know what her home was like. I said I would forget and it was important to tell others so I tried to tape- record it. The moment I hit the button I woke up.

I cried when I woke up because my mother wasn't there and I had just been with her and felt the pain of realizing that she was dead.

Nancy is the mother of a teenage daughter and is very concerned about the values - or lack of - that children are picking up from television and other media. She has sample letters that people can send to local television stations, sponsoring companies, and government representatives.

She is also trying to bring a representative from the Chernobyl Children's Fund in Minsk to Seattle to speak about the tragic situation in that heavily radiated area, where thousands of people are suffering from radiation sickness. The Fund was founded by Gennady and Irena Grushevoy, despite fierce government opposition. Nancy, who visited their small office in Minsk this past summer, said that she feels the Fund has been "the voice crying in the wilderness for the salvation of the Byelorussian people." While she was there, Irena Grushevoy explained to her the philosophy behind their incredible project:

Our principle is to start with one small beginning. Assistance for the sake of assistance has no value. There must be results. Mentality must be altered. Assistance should stimulate self responsibility. Otherwise it is like a cell seeking another to consume. People are learning by working here that they can do something. They feel proud and aren't easily humiliated. The more that they change, the more old structures can be destroyed. We are trying to sow the seeds of a good society.

Bringing children to a place where they can have clean air and uncontaminated water and food, even just for a few weeks, can help them build up their compromised immune systems. Please notify Nancy if you would like to help in any way with these projects.

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