Articles From the May 1994 Unification News

I, do hereby swear and affirm that the following is a true statement to the best of my knowledge.

To begin, I first want to apologize for any disturbance or burden which my family has brought to you or your office by asking you to be involved in our family controversy. As you may know, I have been studying the Divine Principle with CARP, the student branch of the Unification Church since early June, 1993. Upon receiving an introductory lecture at CARP's office in Manhattan I felt that it was very important to find out more about the teaching that this group was founded upon. Immediately both the people I encountered and the content of the lecture belated very closely to my own experience with God and a spiritual life. However, what was being presented to me seemed to carry a more complete explanation of God than I had ever been able to discover on my own. Based on this, I decided to study the Divine Principle more deeply. After a period of one week, I felt so inspired, moved and assured of the value of what I was learning that I felt I had no choice but to stay for a longer period of time to really pursue an understanding of Rev. Moon's teaching.

At this point I felt very uncomfortable about speaking with my mother about this experience. We have always been friendly with one another and close in that way. However, it has always been clear to me that she was never really able to understand my true internal condition. This has remained true despite many hopes to achieve more real communication through therapy and time spent together. Our efforts have ended mostly in a compromise of sincerity and trust in order to avoid confronting the painful impasse between us which has always existed beneath the illusion of closeness. This real block in our relationship has been especially evident in the consideration of religious and spiritual matters. My family, including my mother, my brother and my stepfather, lead a very secular life which centers upon an essentially intellectual and emotional approach to understanding what is meaningful, beautiful, important and valuable. Their major priorities as a family have been artistic and intellectual education and generally they approach religion as something interesting to consider and study rather than as a facet of life which addresses, through practice, the need to complete man's life through a relationship with God. I have never even witnessed my family seriously discussing the existence of God, much less attempting to practice a daily life in which God is considered or sought out. There seems to be a great confusion between what is intellectual and what is spiritual which arises from a lack of experience in forging a substantial relationship with God. My own five years of experience with therapy and eighteen years of private education have brought me disappointment, confusion and unfulfillment, despite my love of intellectual stimulation, creativity and knowledge of the human mind. I could only realize this after having experienced the formation of a substantial relationship with a real, living God. In trying to share my excitement about God with my family, essentially, I have met with sympathetic smiles and blank faces.

Considering the fundamental religious principles of the Unification Church, I did not expect that my mother would even begin to be able to understand the value or importance of my studying the Divine Principle. I even suspected that out of her ignorance of God she would be afraid of my staying with CARP. As far as I am concerned, there is nothing more precious than one's relationship to God and the Divine Principle is the clearest, most all-encompassing and most practical understanding of that relationship that I have ever before experienced. At this point it is more important to me to protect my right to study and practice it than anything else. Also, I must say that I had full intention to welcome my mother into my spiritual life once I felt secure and qualified enough to introduce her properly to the concepts that Rev. Moon is teaching without confusing her as I would if I tried to explain such things now.

Unfortunately, my mother has not only confirmed but exceeded my worst suspicions about her reaction to the Unification Church, and in particular my involvement with CARP. None of my decisions or actions has merited the severity of her efforts to interfere with my faith. Never once did she communicate with me about her concerns over my situation before she consulted with outside sources who are, at the very least, antagonistic towards the Unification Movement and do not know me in any way except through my mother. My mother's first misguided attempts to communicate with me included an offensive and foul phone call-screaming and shouting outside a residence where, as it was clearly explained to her, I was not located-continuing for seven hours demanding that I come out. She also burst onto the property of the International Training Center of the Unification Church in Tarrytown, New York with the media in tow, and was insulting and rude to many of the members with whom she came in contact during that time. I don't believe that she is coming up with these ideas to intensely harass the church and me on her own, but is following the advice of an outside source in hopes of my being "returned" in response to pressure tactics. Where I was previously uncomfortable about meeting her off of church property, these kinds of irrational actions have made me adamantly opposed to any consideration of the idea. I believe the people who are guiding her to take these kinds of steps have little or no appreciation or respect for religious life. I also believe they should be professionally investigated and stopped in order to protect my right and the rights of others to pursue the faith of one's choice. Privacy and time are necessary in order to come to grips with any religious teaching.

Due to my apprehension about my mother's possible future behavior I telephoned her on the night of our last meeting and informed her that I was absolutely prepared to take action with the police, obtain a court order of protection, and contact the FBI through my lawyer for an investigation of the events which had taken place. Immediately afterward, in a second phone call, she informed me that she was leaving again for California. She had not mentioned anything about returning home before the situation had progressed to that point. My only conclusion can be that there was reason for her to fear such an investigation. We had spoken of and were in the process of planning a third meeting before the issue of police protection was raised and I was under the strong impression that my mother was planning to stay until we had come to a reasonable solution on the family level.

Right now my family cannot come first for me, especially after they have proven themselves not only unsupportive of but destructive to my relationship with God through trying to directly control and interfere with my life of faith. I know they think that they understand my situation, but repeatedly, over a lifetime, they have demonstrated that they do not.

In conclusion, again, I am so sorry that you have been unnecessarily dragged into this circus. I know that your time should not be wasted on family disputes and general misunderstanding. I hope that I could not only make my position but the whole situation clearer by this statement. I want to reiterate that I do not want to meet with my family as long as they continue to try to forcibly sway my decisions about how I choose to create my relationship with God. I sincerely hope that the group or individuals with whom they are working can be investigated and prevented from threatening anyone else's religious life the way they have mine. Thank you so much for your time.