Counseling in preparation for the Blessing

Taco Hose
June 1982

An important part of the preparations for the Blessing was the counseling division. Under the direction of David S.C. Kim, a group of skilled and experienced counselors were constantly on call to help couples or individuals work on any special problems that might come up at this most crucial time in their spiritual lives. Rev. Yong Suk Choi, Ken Sudo, Rev. Sung Soo Lee, and Mrs. Tacco Hose made up the counseling committee. Mrs. Hose spoke about some aspects of her work over those few hectic weeks before the Blessing.

Sometimes during counseling I spend a few hours just listening. A counselor is a mediator. It's not important for the counselor to have every answer. David and I wait for the individual to prepare a receptive base. God is waiting for the counselor to help prepare that receptive base for Him to speak to the person. If the counselor speaks but has no base in the person who has come to him, then God can't speak to that person. And even if God did speak there would be no possibility for the person to accept it without a base.

We could become like a judge, pulling an answer out the book, but that wouldn't help God speak to that person or help the person understand himself. Our job is to help a couple or an individual face their problems. Our job is not to act like God. It would be more like a social welfare program, and I don't think that would help anyone become mature.

We all have a responsibility to face what comes in our life; we can't continually avoid problems. After the matching, some people realize, "This is a life commitment," and it's a big shock for the person who could never face his own problems. The people who never faced their problems will have more problems after the matching.

The marriage relationship is the most close and intense relationship there is. The problems you must face in yourself are easily seen in your mate. For example, arrogance within yourself might become visible in him. Many times conflict comes and we tend to blame the other person. But we must see that it's often the "good" one whom God is trying to speak to. It should make us see that there is a problem within us that we have never faced.

Restoration has to be done through indemnity. That is to say that the healing needs to be done before the Blessing. Many individuals might suppress emotional wounds and not even know they exist. For example, a violent father plants in his daughter a hatred towards men, and at the time of the Blessing she accuses her fiance of being aggressive or violent. Healing didn't take place; maybe she never faced that particular problem in herself. In such a case often what must be done is for the couple to tell each other their testimonies so they can understand each other better.

Or maybe someone feels unqualified and doesn't want to go through with the Blessing. We must face the fact that none of us are qualified. By going to the Blessing you might learn how much God is with you. We receive tremendous forgiveness and grace and love at the Blessing. By learning this kind of undeserved love, we can become able to give this kind of love -- great amounts of love to those who may not really deserve it.

The bottom line is "faith." My fiance challenges my faith. When I have a conflict with my husband I must think, "Which is bigger: the conflict or my faith? The conflict or my love for God?" My desire to see the ideal family take place through us is bigger. No matter what we may happen to go through.

Our marriage is not ordinary marriage: our own nest and lots of kids, etc. Blessed couples are like trusted children. We're in a position to go with the destiny of the world. For example, if there are starving people and God wants to take our food and our children's food and give it to those who have none, we should be ready to do whatever we're needed to do. We should be the ones from whom God can take whatever He needs. True Father said, "Don't have concepts of what family-life 'should' be like or you'll be hurt all the time."

Our counseling is very different from that a marriage counselor would normally give. I'm always available to help with couples' on-going problems. Problems don't just disappear. As we grow, new problems arise and old problems may take different shape before they finally are solved. We need counseling and guidance all through our marriage.

As far as the future counseling program goes, it's going to be very important; a much better system is being developed now, since so many of our members are blessed. Rev. Kwak was suggesting a sophisticated telephone guidance and counseling system, available for people anywhere in the world.

True Father is very concerned about counseling. This is why he is stressing three spiritual children so strongly. We must have protection and experience through our spiritual children, before we start our families. The very best counseling anyone can get is being a counselor himself; being a mediator between God and your own spiritual children.