The Words of Dae Mo Nim (Mrs. Hyo Nam Kim -- Hoon Mo Nim)
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The Words of Dae Mo Nim (Mrs. Hyo Nam Kim -- Hoon Mo Nim) |
Each moment of the child growing up since a child was born is very important. If you get blessed, you need to read many books to see how to give birth to babies and take care of them. Parent's attention of family life, life of faith and academic achievement will mold the child's destiny. Every single moment of the child's development is very important as well as the time of being pregnancy. Some mothers think children may grow up by themselves, but it is not true. Parents, especially mothers' caring decides children's destiny in family life, life of faith and studying etc.
In bringing up a child, more patience, unconditional love, and forgiveness is required, further training of self-control for hatred and resentment is also needed. In many cases, parents deprive their freedom and social life when they get angry. Often children regarded as little and immature boys or girls, they are treated as if they don't know anything. It is true that a part of brain called the frontal lobe which works for a long term decision can be grown up when you are in the middle of 20s, but another part of brain, especially which relates to feeling emotions grow same as adult's do.
If your children has learned Divine Principle, you should discuss it with them as if you are their friends in your family. Once a week or a month, children and parents can ask and answer about life of faith centering some issues each other. If you do so, children can apply something they heard in the teens to their lives when they are in their 20's. You should support them to do it by making a foundation.
If you made a promise that you buy some snacks, you should do that. You shouldn't say like this I have no time to do it now, so I will buy it some other time. For instance, When you say I will buy you something delicious if you attend Sunday Service without making a noise tomorrow to children, you should keep the promise to them.
We decided to emphasize two virtues to kids. They are respect others and forgive, forget and go forward. Fortunately, these virtues helped kids a lot. When kids named new nickname and tried to make fun of people, we just told them Respect others. If they were treated badly by people, we often said to them Forgive, Forget and go forward.
What if parents get angry at children and slap them? Parents should repent right away. It is more effective when mother just shed tears and love children without slapping. By doing so, mother can control over them as a victor all the time rather than giving in. If you slap them, it will be less effective. If an elder brother doesn't love younger brothers and sisters, he would end up giving in. That is why there should be an emotional part in order to bring about unifying.
You must become mothers who can play and have conversations with your children after you have finished all the housework. Also, if your child has done something wrong, if it's needed, you must teach them by hitting them. You must develop a habit for your children to take a bath and wash their bodies before they sleep. Not just washing their faces but bathing them and washing their whole bodies before they go to sleep. You must teach them not to leave any clothes on the floor before they take a bath but put it in the washing machine and prepare clothes neatly for after bath. You must teach them to return things, such as books, to their original place, like book shelves, as well as toys, school things and etc. If the parents practice and do such actions the children will also follow and imitate.
Make a tradition you can do continuously with your family. If your family live in a long distance, you can spend time with them by making a meeting every summer and playing games every week. In my family, I have had a tea time after Sunday Morning Service with my brothers and sisters when I was in childhood and my wife and my kids now. If your children live together, you have a meal together once a day. If you don't eat with your children, you can call them to have a meal together a few times a week. And invest your time to have a meaningful memory together by making a private time along with each of your children. Children have a great joy when they have a meaningful time with parents without another siblings and remember the time for a long time.
Children don't like a mother's nagging. There are two types of what children regard as a nagging those are to force to do and to forbid to doing. If you say don't do it, that makes a child want to do it more. You should explain why it is forbidden for a child to doing it as if you read a storybook. You are reading a storybook and telling a story when a child is about to sleep. A child comes to understand which is right and wrong when a mother makes a story with things happened on a daily life and says this is wrong, so you should do this way not in that way. A child will understand what a right thing is because a mother teaches with telling stories.