The Words of the Gullery Family

Marriage - A Constant Investment

Debby Gullery
June 2011
HSA-UWC Blessed Family Department

Dear Debby,

My spouse and I have been married for a little over 5 years now and we're pretty happy.

Sometimes, though, I feel like we're getting a little boring and stuck. How do you keep a relationship growing and inspired?

Sincerely,

Need a Boost


Dear Need a Boost,

Here are some of my favorite tips, garnered over the years of teaching and counseling:

1. Date your Mate: Make time for each other, no matter how busy you are. Neglect is the biggest reason for fading feelings and lack of connection.

2. Will and Skill: It's not enough to want to build a good marriage; sometimes it takes learning new ways to communicate and negotiate, and not being afraid to get help when you need it. There is always more to learn about loving.

3. Meet and Greet: The first 5 minutes that you see each other after working or being apart, is the most important! Stop what you're doing and make your spouse feel welcomed and loved. And pay attention to what you are eating -- spiritually! Make sure you are feeding yourself nourishing things (study, prayer, etc.) and feeding each other lots of love and attention.

4. Giggle and Wiggle: Laughter is the shortest distance between two people and sex is important!

5. Pray and Play: Both the connection with God and the connection with each other matter -- keep your spiritual life strong and healthy, and make sure you have fun together -- often!

6. Unplug and Just Hug: Schedule time without electronics and just touch and talk.

7. Its Only Money, Honey: Yeah, money matters and couples fight about money a lot! So, work at a pro-active approach to the stresses of money.

8. Space and Embrace: Balance the times that you spend together and apart -- both are important for individual and couple health.

9. Know and Grow: The deepest desire of every human being is to be "known" by someone else. But when we get married, we promised to stay together, not to stay the same! People grow differently and at different paces. Pay attention to your spouses' growth and support it.

10. Before You Shout -- Take Time Out: Every couple has "Hot Topics", things that are always challenging to talk about and bring out the worst in us. Take responsibility as a team and stop the discussion if one or both of you starts getting mean or defensive. Calm down and then try again.

11. It Depends on Friends: Make sure that you aren't trying to get all your needs met from your spouse -- double date, see your friends, nurture relationships with mentors and older friends, and find a way to invest in younger people. These relationships become your safety net.

12. Enhance the dance: Remember that love is our spiritual path and a verb -- so do something!

Wait! There is one more and this is my favorite!

13. Argue Naked: This is self- explanatory. It's really hard to stay mad at someone when they start stripping!

I hope these help, but keep in mind that there's a big difference between getting advice and taking it! That's the hard part. But the results are worth it!

Blessings,

Debby 

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